August 01, 2011
July 15, 2011
May 25, 2011
January 24, 2011
The Mark of a Christian Leader
I post this story that i authored and was published in the Revive Magazine (January - March 2011 issue).
See if there is anything you can glean from it.
God bless you!
2011 Goals
Dear follower,
I am posting a year's goals guide for us in the New Year. This is just so as to help us keep track of our various goals we wish to achieve in this year.
Here it is:
Name __________________
2011 GOALS
Body, Mind, Spirit
CATEGORY
Body
1.
2.
3.
Mind
1.
2.
3.
Soul
1.
2.
3.
Other
1.
2.
3.
Instructions
· Each category of Body, Mind, and Soul should have 2-3 goals.
· The category of Other may have 0-3 goals
· Each goal should be specific and measurable
· At the end of each quarter (Mar/June/Sept/Dec), check off your progress in the proper column (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am posting a year's goals guide for us in the New Year. This is just so as to help us keep track of our various goals we wish to achieve in this year.
Here it is:
Name __________________
2011 GOALS
Body, Mind, Spirit
CATEGORY
Body
1.
2.
3.
Mind
1.
2.
3.
Soul
1.
2.
3.
Other
1.
2.
3.
Instructions
· Each category of Body, Mind, and Soul should have 2-3 goals.
· The category of Other may have 0-3 goals
· Each goal should be specific and measurable
· At the end of each quarter (Mar/June/Sept/Dec), check off your progress in the proper column (1, 2, 3, 4)
December 09, 2010
A Friend of God
The title of this blog is A Friend of God!
What exactly does it mean to be a friend of...it means you care, you are careful not to offend, you have the interest of the other at heart. The other comes before you. A friend sticks closer than a brother. They will stomach all your flaws, but be keen to point out when you are going out of line...the list is endless.
I know God considers me His friend because He has all the mentioned and more for me. I am however not sure i qualify to call Him my friend. Why? Because as Paul writes in Romans 8, i have so many times fallen short of God's glory. I at this moment feel like i shouldnt refer to myself as a friend of God. I must feel like the prodigal son at that moment when he had squandered his all and wouldnt garner the courage to go back to his dad and seek restitution. That period when he fed on pig pods... i am at that level of David crying out and beseeching God not to withdraw His Spirit from him, but just have mercy upon him and restore with a right spirit.
Those at the bottom of the valley experiences that you look at and all you can say is "God, here its you. Get me out of here and leave me to die."
Are you in a similar situation. Are you at a point you are thinking "how could i?" You are not alone. The Bible assures us that God never slumbers nor sleeps. That we are the apple of His eye. What that simply means is that we are at the centre of His interest. All that He does is centred around us. No matter how far we walk away from Him, His hand of compassion still beckons us back to Him. He will receive you and together with the angels in heaven host a party to celebrate our coming back home. How i long for this moment! That moment when i am going to be able to face Him once again and have Him embrace me, wipe away my tears, and keep assuring me that all of my iniquities have been blotted out. Will you come together with me? Will you run with me to the mercy seat? Lets together gather the strength and courage. I am myself. Just making sure i am not leaving you back. We must go together and claim back our inheritance. Not so that we can go squander it in a far away land again, but like David would say just look at our iniquitied and forgive us daddy! Just as we are without a plea...
Psalm 51:1 - 17; Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, OGod of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
What exactly does it mean to be a friend of...it means you care, you are careful not to offend, you have the interest of the other at heart. The other comes before you. A friend sticks closer than a brother. They will stomach all your flaws, but be keen to point out when you are going out of line...the list is endless.
I know God considers me His friend because He has all the mentioned and more for me. I am however not sure i qualify to call Him my friend. Why? Because as Paul writes in Romans 8, i have so many times fallen short of God's glory. I at this moment feel like i shouldnt refer to myself as a friend of God. I must feel like the prodigal son at that moment when he had squandered his all and wouldnt garner the courage to go back to his dad and seek restitution. That period when he fed on pig pods... i am at that level of David crying out and beseeching God not to withdraw His Spirit from him, but just have mercy upon him and restore with a right spirit.
Those at the bottom of the valley experiences that you look at and all you can say is "God, here its you. Get me out of here and leave me to die."
Are you in a similar situation. Are you at a point you are thinking "how could i?" You are not alone. The Bible assures us that God never slumbers nor sleeps. That we are the apple of His eye. What that simply means is that we are at the centre of His interest. All that He does is centred around us. No matter how far we walk away from Him, His hand of compassion still beckons us back to Him. He will receive you and together with the angels in heaven host a party to celebrate our coming back home. How i long for this moment! That moment when i am going to be able to face Him once again and have Him embrace me, wipe away my tears, and keep assuring me that all of my iniquities have been blotted out. Will you come together with me? Will you run with me to the mercy seat? Lets together gather the strength and courage. I am myself. Just making sure i am not leaving you back. We must go together and claim back our inheritance. Not so that we can go squander it in a far away land again, but like David would say just look at our iniquitied and forgive us daddy! Just as we are without a plea...
Psalm 51:1 - 17; Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, OGod of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
July 30, 2010
What is God saying?
This past two weeks have turned out to be very challenging for me. I have been receiving responsibilities that have left me thinking, "I cant do this!" "This is beyond me!" "How can they/them think of me as able to handle that!" The surprising thing is that as i have been turning down this responsibilities, more have kept coming, with none of the assigners budging. I am therefore left with only one option - execute the assignment and if not risk embarrassement and even humiliation.
And so i have been going, eh, God! You are overwhelming me! And the more a gasp and whin, the more the responsibilities land on my lap. As of now, i have resigned my fate to His will. If He wants to let the responsibilities crush me, then its upon Him. If He allows me to be overwhelmed to the point of giving up, or not measuring up to the expectations then its about His name. It is His name that will be downtrodden. Otherwise i have anchored in Him and left it all to Him. After all He says in the Word that He will not bring our way anything that we will not be able to bear, but He will give us the grace to endure it all, and where necessary provide an escape route for us.
I bless you God for your have predestined me. You knew me even before i was formed in my mother's womb, and you have numbered the hairs of my head. A thousand years are like one day in your sight oh Lord! Who am i to hinder your moving. When you choose to bless you bless, and when you choose to punish again you do. You alone oh God are worthy. You reign in majesty and in righteousness. May your favour be with me as i serve you in these places you are planting me. And may it all be to the glory and honour of your name, and about you alone oh Lord! You are an awesome God Jehovah!
I surrender to your will. Help me keep your statutes dear Father, and walk in your righteousness. Hold me by your right hand, and lead me to your ways everlasting, amen!
And so i have been going, eh, God! You are overwhelming me! And the more a gasp and whin, the more the responsibilities land on my lap. As of now, i have resigned my fate to His will. If He wants to let the responsibilities crush me, then its upon Him. If He allows me to be overwhelmed to the point of giving up, or not measuring up to the expectations then its about His name. It is His name that will be downtrodden. Otherwise i have anchored in Him and left it all to Him. After all He says in the Word that He will not bring our way anything that we will not be able to bear, but He will give us the grace to endure it all, and where necessary provide an escape route for us.
I bless you God for your have predestined me. You knew me even before i was formed in my mother's womb, and you have numbered the hairs of my head. A thousand years are like one day in your sight oh Lord! Who am i to hinder your moving. When you choose to bless you bless, and when you choose to punish again you do. You alone oh God are worthy. You reign in majesty and in righteousness. May your favour be with me as i serve you in these places you are planting me. And may it all be to the glory and honour of your name, and about you alone oh Lord! You are an awesome God Jehovah!
I surrender to your will. Help me keep your statutes dear Father, and walk in your righteousness. Hold me by your right hand, and lead me to your ways everlasting, amen!
June 28, 2010
The quiet still voice
While having a shower this morning, i just felt this urge to take on prayer and fasting. So i stepped back and wondered to myself, why? And the quiet voice said for yourself. I again asked, "what about myself?" And there was no response.
I took up the challenge, left for work in that mood. On reading my devotion, i saw this words in Colossians 4:2, about engaging ourselves in prayer, which really caught my eye,Titus 1 that talks about a people (Cretans) who were known for their malice, lies and all sorts of evil. These two scriptures really caught my thoughts. I slept on it for a while and indeed the whole day. And as it would be, the two scriptures unfolded slowly before my own sight.
That quiet still voice had been preparing me for a battle. I needed to be dressed in the armour of God to fight well. In real sense, the matter has been an ongoing battle with a few people who want to deny me what is rightfully mine. It actually started three years ago, and after several attemots, i gave up on the issue last year. when i thought i had burried it, it resurfaced just last week and it seemed like for once i was going to justily have it. Through the weekend and up till this morning, i knew this was a settled case, until i wrote that "defining" email as i had thought and the setback came hitting hard once again. The it dawned on me that this was a battle that was beyond me.
For a moment i was so upset with God. I even asked Him why He had directed me to pray only to have me disappointed early in the day. I was going to break that fast and forget about it. After all, i had no issues that needed serious intervention that would call for a fast, if this one had been dashed.
I started searching frantically for a person to share with. I wanted to tell someone about it and get it off my head. My head was on fire! I was going to burst in anger. I didn't want to work anymore. I felt like walking out and going for good.
I thought of who would have been the most appropriate to tell; i told a colleague, but it didn't seem to cool the anger. Then i thought again, and thought of my best friend.
I started looking for her online, she was not there. I thought of calling her, but again decided telephone wouldnt give time to a satisfactory discussion with the costs involved. I wondered how i would get her to come online, then i got an idea...i wrote her a mail. It simply said "where are you? I need to talk to you!" Then mentioned a few details about the story.
Not long after that, she came on. I saw the red light on meaning she had responded, and quickly went there to see her response. Then i saw her opening statement, "do you have some time?" i knew she wanted to talk about something else. I responded in the affirmative and we started off on a conversation completely away from the reason i had been looking for her. Some where along the way, she got to see my mail, and i saw her write "i just read your email, are these people mad!" And i immediately knew i wasn't over reacting. I had been robbed. I had been treated unfairly, i was being targeted negatively.
As i positioned the cursor to respond, i heard that still voice again say "i have been here all along and you didn't turn to me."
It saddened me imagining that God had been here waiting and i didn't share with Him. I hadnt noticed Him! That i depended more on my friend than on God... I felt like i would weep. Suddenly the anger turned to frailty, and my mind went wild wondering how to apologise. My friend was going on and on, and i realised i had passed on the anger to her. She was so upset about the whole issue! And slowly as we continued conversing, i heard in my mind, that seemed like it was her voice people of the world can take away your money, they can take your labour for granted, but they can never take your Christ away.
Oh, how great this made me feel!
And do you know this is what we have done almost every single day of our lives! Do you know Christ has been around us all day, and watched over us all night. He has ndured our endless tears and whining, waiting for us to turn to Him and say, "Lord, take over." Sadly, we have not. We have fought loosing battles, we have raised accusing fingers, we have walked in our strength, we have even put our trust in man, which Jeremiah 17: 5 says "cursed is the person who trusts humans, who makes flesh and blood his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord" (God's word Translation Bible).
I am reminded of a forward that once got to my mail box. It talked about God writing to one of His children (me or you, whoever). It depicted of how He sits besides us day long, then throughout the night, and again the next day, waiting for us to talk to Him but in vain. After waiting and waiting, He decided to write and bring out the issues of this particular one that he/she would have turned to Him but did not. How often do we fall in this same place? When God expects that we would turn out burdens and worries to Him and we do not? Even when He has offered us His yoke which He has called EASY/LIGHT!
I took up the challenge, left for work in that mood. On reading my devotion, i saw this words in Colossians 4:2, about engaging ourselves in prayer, which really caught my eye,Titus 1 that talks about a people (Cretans) who were known for their malice, lies and all sorts of evil. These two scriptures really caught my thoughts. I slept on it for a while and indeed the whole day. And as it would be, the two scriptures unfolded slowly before my own sight.
That quiet still voice had been preparing me for a battle. I needed to be dressed in the armour of God to fight well. In real sense, the matter has been an ongoing battle with a few people who want to deny me what is rightfully mine. It actually started three years ago, and after several attemots, i gave up on the issue last year. when i thought i had burried it, it resurfaced just last week and it seemed like for once i was going to justily have it. Through the weekend and up till this morning, i knew this was a settled case, until i wrote that "defining" email as i had thought and the setback came hitting hard once again. The it dawned on me that this was a battle that was beyond me.
For a moment i was so upset with God. I even asked Him why He had directed me to pray only to have me disappointed early in the day. I was going to break that fast and forget about it. After all, i had no issues that needed serious intervention that would call for a fast, if this one had been dashed.
I started searching frantically for a person to share with. I wanted to tell someone about it and get it off my head. My head was on fire! I was going to burst in anger. I didn't want to work anymore. I felt like walking out and going for good.
I thought of who would have been the most appropriate to tell; i told a colleague, but it didn't seem to cool the anger. Then i thought again, and thought of my best friend.
I started looking for her online, she was not there. I thought of calling her, but again decided telephone wouldnt give time to a satisfactory discussion with the costs involved. I wondered how i would get her to come online, then i got an idea...i wrote her a mail. It simply said "where are you? I need to talk to you!" Then mentioned a few details about the story.
Not long after that, she came on. I saw the red light on meaning she had responded, and quickly went there to see her response. Then i saw her opening statement, "do you have some time?" i knew she wanted to talk about something else. I responded in the affirmative and we started off on a conversation completely away from the reason i had been looking for her. Some where along the way, she got to see my mail, and i saw her write "i just read your email, are these people mad!" And i immediately knew i wasn't over reacting. I had been robbed. I had been treated unfairly, i was being targeted negatively.
As i positioned the cursor to respond, i heard that still voice again say "i have been here all along and you didn't turn to me."
It saddened me imagining that God had been here waiting and i didn't share with Him. I hadnt noticed Him! That i depended more on my friend than on God... I felt like i would weep. Suddenly the anger turned to frailty, and my mind went wild wondering how to apologise. My friend was going on and on, and i realised i had passed on the anger to her. She was so upset about the whole issue! And slowly as we continued conversing, i heard in my mind, that seemed like it was her voice people of the world can take away your money, they can take your labour for granted, but they can never take your Christ away.
Oh, how great this made me feel!
And do you know this is what we have done almost every single day of our lives! Do you know Christ has been around us all day, and watched over us all night. He has ndured our endless tears and whining, waiting for us to turn to Him and say, "Lord, take over." Sadly, we have not. We have fought loosing battles, we have raised accusing fingers, we have walked in our strength, we have even put our trust in man, which Jeremiah 17: 5 says "cursed is the person who trusts humans, who makes flesh and blood his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord" (God's word Translation Bible).
I am reminded of a forward that once got to my mail box. It talked about God writing to one of His children (me or you, whoever). It depicted of how He sits besides us day long, then throughout the night, and again the next day, waiting for us to talk to Him but in vain. After waiting and waiting, He decided to write and bring out the issues of this particular one that he/she would have turned to Him but did not. How often do we fall in this same place? When God expects that we would turn out burdens and worries to Him and we do not? Even when He has offered us His yoke which He has called EASY/LIGHT!
June 07, 2010
Immeasurably more...
Some mornings i wake up with a song. On other mornings, i wake up so tired maybe from just being lazy, or from a sleep of adventures with mind bogging dreams... Some other mornings i wake up from the thought that its a weekend and suddenly reality hits home that i still have a few more days to the actual weekend.
Today was one of those song mornings. I woke up with the song "How great is my God," and immediately after, the other "Let your will be done." As i sung these choruses, i thought to myself, would this be a message of sorts for me? Is it just a song? Is it an encouragement to my heart about some occurrence that would befall me in the course of the day? Or my mind had wandered from my body as always! I didn't regret it though. I was glad that i woke up with a beautiful song in my heart that testified of who the Lord is.
As i reported to work and a while later my boss walks to me and announces; "Marion, i bring you good tidings!" I immediately responded and said "Oh, good is a relative term. It will depend with how i perceive the news." Even before he went half way through the message, i was out of myself! It was good tidings indeed. An issue that had taken me weeks of praying, and another of waiting had turned out so positively, even beyond what i had wished it would. I didnt know whether to jump up and down in excitement, or to keep still on my chair since i was in the presence of "my boss."
When the Bible talks of the Lord doing immeasurably more than what we can think or even imagine, He means exactlythat in its entity. One time i heard some preacher, actually Joel Osteen say that while we in our human mind are only limited to what we can see and touch, God has our situations end to the beginning. When we look at situations and create giants out of them, to God that is already a DONE DEAL! He sits pretty on the throne waiting for us to seek His will, and nothing less or more.
A lot of times we even fail to recognise that He has a perfect plan for our lives. That He is the master planner and holds the whole world in His hand as the famous Sunday school song would go. And instead of seeking this will, we stampede around life, we create emergencies, ran helter skelter like headless chicken seeking solutions from all the wrong places.
In my case, i had even gone to the extend of asking Him for just a bit of the much i have been trusting Him for. I woke up one morning so discouraged about the situation and resolved to forget about it. Then as i chatted with an old longtime friend online, as a by the way to his questions of how office work was holding up, i mentioned the challenge and he casually responded that he would pray about it and i should keep him posted in case anything positive comes out of it. I am not sure what exactly i had expected when i mentioned it to him, but i remember thinking, "is that all you can do?"
an hour later, this same boss (the bearer of the good tidings) came to me asking who i had been talking to at the higher office about my situation. For a moment, I felt my skin leave me and wondered why that friend had decided to sell me out. Then the Chief went through again, a little slowly. I do not know whether he assumed i didn't understand his statement, but for some reason again he went through slowly, which then helped the message come out better. He was not accusing me of talking to a higher office, but he was actually informing me that the higher office had contacted him to say they can help my situation, but there were somethings that needed to be done and we would have to wait for a week or so for the response. So in actual sense, what he was telling me was that we do what is required there and then, and pass it on to await the response.
What i am not telling you is that after the week elapsed without a response from my senior, i purposed to write him a follow up mail first thing today (Monday) when i got to the office.
And indeed, the follow up bore wonderful fruit. I wished i had held onto my horses a little longer for him to communicate other than prompting it.
And some times that's what we do to God. When He wants us to hold on and wait a little while while He sorts the "best" for us, we simply want to settle for the "good." What a pity!
Realise that i had already told God that i would appreciate even just part of what i required for my venture. That i would appreciate that more than having to wait longer for a time for anything else. The "wait" answer was not anywhere near to what i expected, yet its one of the answers we often get apart from the "NO" that we never want to hear.
If only we would learn to wait on the Lord for His timing, which is ALWAYS the best. In His timing, He is able to do immeasurably beyond/much more than we can think or even imagine. He is going to do things that no ear has heard neither eye has seen yet! That which He talks about in Daniel when He says His ways are perfect, and righteous, and in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a great plan of a future for us!
Today was one of those song mornings. I woke up with the song "How great is my God," and immediately after, the other "Let your will be done." As i sung these choruses, i thought to myself, would this be a message of sorts for me? Is it just a song? Is it an encouragement to my heart about some occurrence that would befall me in the course of the day? Or my mind had wandered from my body as always! I didn't regret it though. I was glad that i woke up with a beautiful song in my heart that testified of who the Lord is.
As i reported to work and a while later my boss walks to me and announces; "Marion, i bring you good tidings!" I immediately responded and said "Oh, good is a relative term. It will depend with how i perceive the news." Even before he went half way through the message, i was out of myself! It was good tidings indeed. An issue that had taken me weeks of praying, and another of waiting had turned out so positively, even beyond what i had wished it would. I didnt know whether to jump up and down in excitement, or to keep still on my chair since i was in the presence of "my boss."
When the Bible talks of the Lord doing immeasurably more than what we can think or even imagine, He means exactlythat in its entity. One time i heard some preacher, actually Joel Osteen say that while we in our human mind are only limited to what we can see and touch, God has our situations end to the beginning. When we look at situations and create giants out of them, to God that is already a DONE DEAL! He sits pretty on the throne waiting for us to seek His will, and nothing less or more.
A lot of times we even fail to recognise that He has a perfect plan for our lives. That He is the master planner and holds the whole world in His hand as the famous Sunday school song would go. And instead of seeking this will, we stampede around life, we create emergencies, ran helter skelter like headless chicken seeking solutions from all the wrong places.
In my case, i had even gone to the extend of asking Him for just a bit of the much i have been trusting Him for. I woke up one morning so discouraged about the situation and resolved to forget about it. Then as i chatted with an old longtime friend online, as a by the way to his questions of how office work was holding up, i mentioned the challenge and he casually responded that he would pray about it and i should keep him posted in case anything positive comes out of it. I am not sure what exactly i had expected when i mentioned it to him, but i remember thinking, "is that all you can do?"
an hour later, this same boss (the bearer of the good tidings) came to me asking who i had been talking to at the higher office about my situation. For a moment, I felt my skin leave me and wondered why that friend had decided to sell me out. Then the Chief went through again, a little slowly. I do not know whether he assumed i didn't understand his statement, but for some reason again he went through slowly, which then helped the message come out better. He was not accusing me of talking to a higher office, but he was actually informing me that the higher office had contacted him to say they can help my situation, but there were somethings that needed to be done and we would have to wait for a week or so for the response. So in actual sense, what he was telling me was that we do what is required there and then, and pass it on to await the response.
What i am not telling you is that after the week elapsed without a response from my senior, i purposed to write him a follow up mail first thing today (Monday) when i got to the office.
And indeed, the follow up bore wonderful fruit. I wished i had held onto my horses a little longer for him to communicate other than prompting it.
And some times that's what we do to God. When He wants us to hold on and wait a little while while He sorts the "best" for us, we simply want to settle for the "good." What a pity!
Realise that i had already told God that i would appreciate even just part of what i required for my venture. That i would appreciate that more than having to wait longer for a time for anything else. The "wait" answer was not anywhere near to what i expected, yet its one of the answers we often get apart from the "NO" that we never want to hear.
If only we would learn to wait on the Lord for His timing, which is ALWAYS the best. In His timing, He is able to do immeasurably beyond/much more than we can think or even imagine. He is going to do things that no ear has heard neither eye has seen yet! That which He talks about in Daniel when He says His ways are perfect, and righteous, and in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a great plan of a future for us!
April 29, 2010
The Samburu adventure
Recently, i was out on a Mission to the Samburu. This is a tribe of semi-nomads of the far Rift Valley Province of Kenya. Places you go to and the residents do not even consider themselves Kenyans. They will send you with greetings to take to Kenya. I mean, its far.
on our way back, we had to leave at dawn so as to make it for Nairobi by evening. The bus we had booked picked us in time and we set off.
The driver kept stopping to pick up more passengers. Even when i thought we had had enough people on board and literally no room for more, still more came in. And i mean, there was no other way for them other than scooting into this bus. Transportation is scarce here men. If they missed this one, they would have to wait for...maybe a truck ferrying flock to the market to ride on.
It zoomed passed bushes on this crazy earth road, every other while jerking awake those of us who had carried forward our sleep to this time.
as we are cruising down, up, turn here and there, an emergency break, a slow into a murky muddy section of the road and on, we suddenly here the bus mowing to a stop. The driver tries to act smart by trying to force it on but no, it halts to a stop. Yes, we had run out of fuel! Deep in the middle of no where. People start to come off the bus, but where do they go?! we are warned to walk out silently if we must because we are in a park that has all sorts of wild animals lions included.
The bus conductor comes off with a jerrycan and is flowed by one other guy, walking to no where in search of fuel. in the meantime, the driver manages to start the engine again. How, i do not know. He then cruises past those who had come off and they have to run and catch up since the bus cannot stop for them to get on. It turns into a survival for fitness struggle. Soon all the men who were out are back on board.
As we start to celebrate, the bus suddenly pulls to a halt. What again? The driver warns no one should get off. After a little struggle, a pull here a push of this there, it picks up again. And the game continues on and on. We get to the conductor and his friend with their jerrycan, they dive on board and we keep going. After some few minutes it stalls again and completely refuses to restart this time round. People get off to the relieve themselves in the bush, those with packed breakfasts start taking and sharing and chatting while the conductor again leaves with his jerrycan. A few minutes later...walla! He is back with fuel. From where, siphoned from a transit truck. At this point, no one really inquires further for the means seem to justify the end.
We happily embark on the journey with a few of my friends evangelising the other passengers and indeed harvest souls.
soon we hit another setback. Two trucks that were going in the opposite direction are stuck in the middle of the road, the turn-boys have been trying to dig the tyres out of the mud that is covering them, and you can see it has been an all night job. The region is so wet and muddy that they all look like hippos. We are forced to come off our bus for it to wade off the road through the bush as we walk/run and catch up with it somewhere ahead.
Of course we are also wading through the mud on the side of the road, a passenger car comes zooming fast off the road so as not to get stuck in the already messed up temporary side road.
Suddenly i see mud flying from beneath the car and before i coordinate myself i am all soaked from hair to toe. Literally! Yet i couldn't change because my bag was on top of the bus, and i dared not even bother asking for it for who wants to engage in the offloading. The pile on the carrier...! In fact, that's when i got to know that my bag was sitting under a sack of charcoal. Need i say more?
What an adventure!
We quickly get back on and off we go. Soon we are on tarmac and driving is cruising like one riding a motor bike. Before long i slip into a siesta still soaked on mud and while my mind slowly drifts off my mud predicament, i hear a loud bang! In my subconsciousness i shout "save us Lord!" But the bus does not stop. So i turn to my seat-mate fully awake and ask, what was that? Was i dreaming? And in shock almost with a sh shh she responds, "i don't know." "I thought it was a tyre burst?" I continue. She turns away quietly and all goes silent in the bus. I look besides me, then back at the rest of the passengers and all seem lost but saying nothing, as the bus cruises down a bridge then up again.
A few minutes later it pulls off the road, and guess what! It was indeed a tyre burst. In fact two of the tyres are deflated and have to be repaired before being put back. As they embark on finding a solution, the kids on the mission team are now grumpy from hunger and cant hold it anymore. Someone spots a roadside canteen. On inquiry, we find its a tea place. We all flood it until the owner runs out of cups and has to borrow from the neighbourhood. The tea is finished, there are those who are yet to have enough...
All in all we leave at least revitalised from the little and of course recording the memory of all this.
At the next bus stop we sit for almost three hours waiting for a second ride to Nairobi because its Easter Monday, there is too much traffic and all vehicles have left. Finally, we get onto one and on our way encounter a terrible accident that has involved 5 vehicles, both public and private. We cant see any bodies but there is one of the vehicles in a 5 metre ditch on the side of the road, the other f
our visible vehicles are a complete wreck, and we end up stuck in a snarl up for close to an hour.
And all in all, the Lord still remained supreme.
What an adventure!
on our way back, we had to leave at dawn so as to make it for Nairobi by evening. The bus we had booked picked us in time and we set off.
The driver kept stopping to pick up more passengers. Even when i thought we had had enough people on board and literally no room for more, still more came in. And i mean, there was no other way for them other than scooting into this bus. Transportation is scarce here men. If they missed this one, they would have to wait for...maybe a truck ferrying flock to the market to ride on.
It zoomed passed bushes on this crazy earth road, every other while jerking awake those of us who had carried forward our sleep to this time.
as we are cruising down, up, turn here and there, an emergency break, a slow into a murky muddy section of the road and on, we suddenly here the bus mowing to a stop. The driver tries to act smart by trying to force it on but no, it halts to a stop. Yes, we had run out of fuel! Deep in the middle of no where. People start to come off the bus, but where do they go?! we are warned to walk out silently if we must because we are in a park that has all sorts of wild animals lions included.
The bus conductor comes off with a jerrycan and is flowed by one other guy, walking to no where in search of fuel. in the meantime, the driver manages to start the engine again. How, i do not know. He then cruises past those who had come off and they have to run and catch up since the bus cannot stop for them to get on. It turns into a survival for fitness struggle. Soon all the men who were out are back on board.
As we start to celebrate, the bus suddenly pulls to a halt. What again? The driver warns no one should get off. After a little struggle, a pull here a push of this there, it picks up again. And the game continues on and on. We get to the conductor and his friend with their jerrycan, they dive on board and we keep going. After some few minutes it stalls again and completely refuses to restart this time round. People get off to the relieve themselves in the bush, those with packed breakfasts start taking and sharing and chatting while the conductor again leaves with his jerrycan. A few minutes later...walla! He is back with fuel. From where, siphoned from a transit truck. At this point, no one really inquires further for the means seem to justify the end.
We happily embark on the journey with a few of my friends evangelising the other passengers and indeed harvest souls.
soon we hit another setback. Two trucks that were going in the opposite direction are stuck in the middle of the road, the turn-boys have been trying to dig the tyres out of the mud that is covering them, and you can see it has been an all night job. The region is so wet and muddy that they all look like hippos. We are forced to come off our bus for it to wade off the road through the bush as we walk/run and catch up with it somewhere ahead.
Of course we are also wading through the mud on the side of the road, a passenger car comes zooming fast off the road so as not to get stuck in the already messed up temporary side road.
Suddenly i see mud flying from beneath the car and before i coordinate myself i am all soaked from hair to toe. Literally! Yet i couldn't change because my bag was on top of the bus, and i dared not even bother asking for it for who wants to engage in the offloading. The pile on the carrier...! In fact, that's when i got to know that my bag was sitting under a sack of charcoal. Need i say more?
What an adventure!
We quickly get back on and off we go. Soon we are on tarmac and driving is cruising like one riding a motor bike. Before long i slip into a siesta still soaked on mud and while my mind slowly drifts off my mud predicament, i hear a loud bang! In my subconsciousness i shout "save us Lord!" But the bus does not stop. So i turn to my seat-mate fully awake and ask, what was that? Was i dreaming? And in shock almost with a sh shh she responds, "i don't know." "I thought it was a tyre burst?" I continue. She turns away quietly and all goes silent in the bus. I look besides me, then back at the rest of the passengers and all seem lost but saying nothing, as the bus cruises down a bridge then up again.
A few minutes later it pulls off the road, and guess what! It was indeed a tyre burst. In fact two of the tyres are deflated and have to be repaired before being put back. As they embark on finding a solution, the kids on the mission team are now grumpy from hunger and cant hold it anymore. Someone spots a roadside canteen. On inquiry, we find its a tea place. We all flood it until the owner runs out of cups and has to borrow from the neighbourhood. The tea is finished, there are those who are yet to have enough...
All in all we leave at least revitalised from the little and of course recording the memory of all this.
At the next bus stop we sit for almost three hours waiting for a second ride to Nairobi because its Easter Monday, there is too much traffic and all vehicles have left. Finally, we get onto one and on our way encounter a terrible accident that has involved 5 vehicles, both public and private. We cant see any bodies but there is one of the vehicles in a 5 metre ditch on the side of the road, the other f
our visible vehicles are a complete wreck, and we end up stuck in a snarl up for close to an hour.And all in all, the Lord still remained supreme.
What an adventure!
April 23, 2010
The Discipline of Stewardship
The purpose of any spiritual discipline is to help us grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ, and become more like Christ as we grow in godliness. To become more like Christ, which is the goal of spiritual discipline, we must exercise giving.
We should think of giving as a spiritual discipline not just in the sense of giving money to someone in need, but in giving of one's time, energy, or abilities, especially where it involves sacrifice. Such giving is certainly demonstrated in the New Testament by the example of the churches of Macedonia as reported in 2 Corinthians 8:1-5, and the example of Christ Himself in 2 Corinthians 8:9. Looking at the example of God and Christ, we learn from John 3:16, which is the most well-known verse, that God loved us to the extent of giving His only Son. God did not reserve that which He deemed most important to Him, but gave freely of Himself. After God gave us Christ to be born in human flesh and dwell among us, Christ still went further and gave of Himself (Matthew 20:28). He sacrificed His life as a ransom for our sin. These are the two most pronounced examples ever set that we human beings cannot even match. In the Scriptures we are given a further example that we all can match despite our human weaknesses. Let’s look at the churches in Macedonia. The Bible records that they abounded in the grace of giving. We see in 2 Corinthians 8:5 that the Macedonians gave themselves to the Lord first, and then to others. It is said the best giving comes from who cannot afford it (Luke 21:1-4). Look at the Macedonians in the whole of 2 Corinthians 8. Despite their suffering great afflictions and poverty, the Bible records that they gave beyond their ability. Not that they were expected to give, but they just gave and gave. Their example of giving was one of par excellence.
It is said practice makes perfect. I want to believe that after making giving their practice, the Macedonians must have discovered a new liking – giving. Giving then became their joy, and so they gave joyfully. Indeed, the best giving comes from those who give cheerfully. Since their giving was following from their deepest hearts, they soon became voluntary givers. Whenever there was need in their midst, they would see to it that they meet it even without being asked (2 Corinthians 9:7). They were giving willingly (2 Corinthians 8:3) without coercion. This is the kind of giving God requires from us. Giving without looking around to see who is watching you or who recognizes your gift. Already, He who sees all that is done in secret will have seen your gift and knows the intentions of your heart. Have a willing mind and give cheerfully (2 Corinthians 9:7). Remember, the best giving comes from those who give freely.
Something else to remember is that the best giving comes from those who persist (Philippians 4:10-18), and those who give themselves to God. If I would share a testimony with you at this point: there have been many incidences when I have been called upon to do something or even not being called upon but coming to realise that there is a need for something to be done. Even though my schedule is crazy and I may have very little free time, just the fact that I am willing to do it as unto the Lord, God has always made it possible for me to do it. The moment I surrender and put my mind to it, somehow it has always worked out. Even if there were a deadline that I was rushing to keep, I find that things just fall in place and even remain with some extra time for rest. This always gives me joy especially when I see God manifested in the activity to which I gave myself. There is satisfaction in giving self!
Why do we give, you may ask. As Apostle Paul reminded in 2 Corinthians 9:7 that a cheerful giver need not to worry, for God always watches over those He loves. Cheerful giving makes one a recipient of God’s love and care. He provides seed to the sower so as they may bountifully reap, not for personal consumption but so that they may have all sufficiency in every good work as stated in Psalm 112:5-9. Furthermore, it is written that we should give and that it shall come back to you good measure pressed down, shaken together and flowing over to be your portion.
Giving brings praise to God. As you give, those you give to offer their gratitude to God for provision (2Co 9:11b-12), and glory is given to God for His grace in the lives of the givers (2Co 9:13-15). Giving also strengthens bonds among brethren. Liberal giving leads to God being praised liberally and strengthens the bonds of brotherly love (Philippians 1:3-8).
So what shall we say then? God is offering us a life of great joy and a surprising route to take us there. Wherever we are at this moment, God is inviting us to embark on an adventure - a journey of a lifetime - a Journey of Generosity. Remember that as quoted in Proverbs 11:25, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
We should think of giving as a spiritual discipline not just in the sense of giving money to someone in need, but in giving of one's time, energy, or abilities, especially where it involves sacrifice. Such giving is certainly demonstrated in the New Testament by the example of the churches of Macedonia as reported in 2 Corinthians 8:1-5, and the example of Christ Himself in 2 Corinthians 8:9. Looking at the example of God and Christ, we learn from John 3:16, which is the most well-known verse, that God loved us to the extent of giving His only Son. God did not reserve that which He deemed most important to Him, but gave freely of Himself. After God gave us Christ to be born in human flesh and dwell among us, Christ still went further and gave of Himself (Matthew 20:28). He sacrificed His life as a ransom for our sin. These are the two most pronounced examples ever set that we human beings cannot even match. In the Scriptures we are given a further example that we all can match despite our human weaknesses. Let’s look at the churches in Macedonia. The Bible records that they abounded in the grace of giving. We see in 2 Corinthians 8:5 that the Macedonians gave themselves to the Lord first, and then to others. It is said the best giving comes from who cannot afford it (Luke 21:1-4). Look at the Macedonians in the whole of 2 Corinthians 8. Despite their suffering great afflictions and poverty, the Bible records that they gave beyond their ability. Not that they were expected to give, but they just gave and gave. Their example of giving was one of par excellence.
It is said practice makes perfect. I want to believe that after making giving their practice, the Macedonians must have discovered a new liking – giving. Giving then became their joy, and so they gave joyfully. Indeed, the best giving comes from those who give cheerfully. Since their giving was following from their deepest hearts, they soon became voluntary givers. Whenever there was need in their midst, they would see to it that they meet it even without being asked (2 Corinthians 9:7). They were giving willingly (2 Corinthians 8:3) without coercion. This is the kind of giving God requires from us. Giving without looking around to see who is watching you or who recognizes your gift. Already, He who sees all that is done in secret will have seen your gift and knows the intentions of your heart. Have a willing mind and give cheerfully (2 Corinthians 9:7). Remember, the best giving comes from those who give freely.
Something else to remember is that the best giving comes from those who persist (Philippians 4:10-18), and those who give themselves to God. If I would share a testimony with you at this point: there have been many incidences when I have been called upon to do something or even not being called upon but coming to realise that there is a need for something to be done. Even though my schedule is crazy and I may have very little free time, just the fact that I am willing to do it as unto the Lord, God has always made it possible for me to do it. The moment I surrender and put my mind to it, somehow it has always worked out. Even if there were a deadline that I was rushing to keep, I find that things just fall in place and even remain with some extra time for rest. This always gives me joy especially when I see God manifested in the activity to which I gave myself. There is satisfaction in giving self!
Why do we give, you may ask. As Apostle Paul reminded in 2 Corinthians 9:7 that a cheerful giver need not to worry, for God always watches over those He loves. Cheerful giving makes one a recipient of God’s love and care. He provides seed to the sower so as they may bountifully reap, not for personal consumption but so that they may have all sufficiency in every good work as stated in Psalm 112:5-9. Furthermore, it is written that we should give and that it shall come back to you good measure pressed down, shaken together and flowing over to be your portion.
Giving brings praise to God. As you give, those you give to offer their gratitude to God for provision (2Co 9:11b-12), and glory is given to God for His grace in the lives of the givers (2Co 9:13-15). Giving also strengthens bonds among brethren. Liberal giving leads to God being praised liberally and strengthens the bonds of brotherly love (Philippians 1:3-8).
So what shall we say then? God is offering us a life of great joy and a surprising route to take us there. Wherever we are at this moment, God is inviting us to embark on an adventure - a journey of a lifetime - a Journey of Generosity. Remember that as quoted in Proverbs 11:25, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
Greetings!
Dear friends on my blog,
How I have missed you all! Sorry for the long it has taken to update my blog. I know you are deprived. Its amazing how fast time flies by, lots of life's the issues to attend to and all. With schooling to do, a job to keep and family issues to attend to, the cup cant get any fuller.
I am however back and grateful that i can continue with this ministry as called to.
Have the blessed remainder of the year, fully covered by the Blood of the Lamb, Christ.
With lots of love,
Marion.
How I have missed you all! Sorry for the long it has taken to update my blog. I know you are deprived. Its amazing how fast time flies by, lots of life's the issues to attend to and all. With schooling to do, a job to keep and family issues to attend to, the cup cant get any fuller.
I am however back and grateful that i can continue with this ministry as called to.
Have the blessed remainder of the year, fully covered by the Blood of the Lamb, Christ.
With lots of love,
Marion.
July 30, 2009
Our Birthright
The other day while asleep, the word of God came to me in a very powerful and special way. This is a story i have read and heard many times, but this time is sounded so different- a new revelation. This is the story of Esau and how he sold his birthright for a plate of food (Genesis 25:29-34). In this excerpt, the Bible records that Esau gave in to Jacobs blackmail because he 'despised his birthright.' This got me thinking how we have easily given away our inheritance without much thought. We look for quick fixes in life like; marriage partners, well paying jobs, favours, better living standards and so on. No one cares to seek the heart of God in whatever it is. We seldom count the cost. As long as we are assured of the above or more, we quickly jump onto the bandwagon.
i guess this revelation came out of the sadness that had filled my heart earlier in the day when i ran into one of my former friends and churchmate we served together with in church so faithfully for long. I noticed she had disappeared and assumed it must have been work or something related. Only to bump into her on the streets excitedly sharing how she had moved to another church, gotten married as a FOURTH wife and enjoying it. This pierced my heart!
Why would a Christian who knows God's standards end up in such?! Do you know what her response was? God had taken too long to bring the right man along. She even mocked me when i said i was still waiting on Him.
I mean, why do we expect God to be patient with us even when we lose the way yet never want to be patient for His promises?! We are assured of eternity in Him?!
Is this not the same attitude that led Esau to sell his birthright?! Wanting to fill his tummy there and then - the fast foods style. As long as there is no waiting to it, its all well with us regardless of the price.
And what did Esau lose when he gave up his birthright? Jacob inherited all of his family's blessings. He was blessed with all of heavens blessings. He was to rule over Esau and would become the great nation that God had promised Abraham his grandfather (Genesis 27:28-29). Can you imagine that! Picture this; blessings of heaven's dew, earth's richness, abundance of grain and new wine, nations to serve you and peoples to bow down to you. Ruler over your brothers, those who curse you be cursed and on and on. Its only at this point that Esau realises that he has nothing left (Genesis 27:36-40). How sad!
Do you know what it calls for for use to receive all of the promises lined out for us? FAITH. Faith is said ti be things hoped for. Reliance. Trust. Confidence. Expectation. Belief. Loyalty. Creed.
The Bible records of many people who relied on God fully to fulfill His promises. Even when it did not seem realistic, when it made no sense, they still saw sense in trusting God. There are so many tetsimonies recorded about this persons. God Himself gave testimonies about them. What does God say about us? Would God stand out for you like He did for many other Bible characters? About Abraham He said, "a man of great faith." About King David He said, "a man after my own heart. About Job He said, "there is no one on earth like him, he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." About Jesus He said, "my Son in whom i am well pleased." About Mary He said, "blessed among all women." To name just but afew. If we were to replay the same What would the Lord say about you? That you are one whose care is only about what men will say or does He say He knows whatever may come your way, you will remain faithful?"
Would you honour His word and stay put in anticipation of your inheritnce? what is this inheritance/birthright? The book of John 1:12-13 states "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." The moment we receive Christ as Lord and Saviour, we become co-heirs with Him. So why then would we give up our heavenly royalty to dwell in hell with the devil for ever?! Why would short time pleasures precede our destiny?!
As the common cliche goes: patience pays. If only we would hold on a little longer. If only we would allow God to work His fear in us. If only we would focus our sight to things to come - things above. If only...
i guess this revelation came out of the sadness that had filled my heart earlier in the day when i ran into one of my former friends and churchmate we served together with in church so faithfully for long. I noticed she had disappeared and assumed it must have been work or something related. Only to bump into her on the streets excitedly sharing how she had moved to another church, gotten married as a FOURTH wife and enjoying it. This pierced my heart!
Why would a Christian who knows God's standards end up in such?! Do you know what her response was? God had taken too long to bring the right man along. She even mocked me when i said i was still waiting on Him.
I mean, why do we expect God to be patient with us even when we lose the way yet never want to be patient for His promises?! We are assured of eternity in Him?!
Is this not the same attitude that led Esau to sell his birthright?! Wanting to fill his tummy there and then - the fast foods style. As long as there is no waiting to it, its all well with us regardless of the price.
And what did Esau lose when he gave up his birthright? Jacob inherited all of his family's blessings. He was blessed with all of heavens blessings. He was to rule over Esau and would become the great nation that God had promised Abraham his grandfather (Genesis 27:28-29). Can you imagine that! Picture this; blessings of heaven's dew, earth's richness, abundance of grain and new wine, nations to serve you and peoples to bow down to you. Ruler over your brothers, those who curse you be cursed and on and on. Its only at this point that Esau realises that he has nothing left (Genesis 27:36-40). How sad!
Do you know what it calls for for use to receive all of the promises lined out for us? FAITH. Faith is said ti be things hoped for. Reliance. Trust. Confidence. Expectation. Belief. Loyalty. Creed.
The Bible records of many people who relied on God fully to fulfill His promises. Even when it did not seem realistic, when it made no sense, they still saw sense in trusting God. There are so many tetsimonies recorded about this persons. God Himself gave testimonies about them. What does God say about us? Would God stand out for you like He did for many other Bible characters? About Abraham He said, "a man of great faith." About King David He said, "a man after my own heart. About Job He said, "there is no one on earth like him, he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." About Jesus He said, "my Son in whom i am well pleased." About Mary He said, "blessed among all women." To name just but afew. If we were to replay the same What would the Lord say about you? That you are one whose care is only about what men will say or does He say He knows whatever may come your way, you will remain faithful?"
Would you honour His word and stay put in anticipation of your inheritnce? what is this inheritance/birthright? The book of John 1:12-13 states "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." The moment we receive Christ as Lord and Saviour, we become co-heirs with Him. So why then would we give up our heavenly royalty to dwell in hell with the devil for ever?! Why would short time pleasures precede our destiny?!
As the common cliche goes: patience pays. If only we would hold on a little longer. If only we would allow God to work His fear in us. If only we would focus our sight to things to come - things above. If only...
July 28, 2009
An encounter with demons
Recently i was at the Coastal town of Kenya for a mission. We had a tight schedule that included door to door evangelism, crusades/open air meetings, prayer meetings and a church service. This was an exciting moment for me even as i ministered and the Lord got to minister to me.
The peak of my moments was when i found myself together with five others in a house with two demon possessed girls. This is where the faith that can move mountains takes charge.
Here we were in this hut, a family, local church group and these two girls who had been tormented by demons for a whole two weeks and were now in their third week. The look on their parents face was one of deep desperation. The mother would not even move anywhere near her wild children, while the father was one of those who were tying their limbs to try and contain them.
First,when we were asked to come pray for them, i thought it was a simple case of fever and such. But when i arrived and was confronted by the situation on the ground, i was kind of taken back. The Holy Spirit quickly reminded me of Mark 16:18 that says And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." At this moment, i took courage that i have come in the strength of the Lord. And so i was. This was going to be the real taste of my faith where the rubber meets the tarmac. As we undertook to prayer, the demons started manifesting themselves as the girls went wild, kicked, laughed and sang and danced vigorously. The demon in one would mock us and say 'this is useless effort.' We did not give up though. We kept praying, sweating and commanding it to leave by the power of the Blood of the Lamb Jesus Christ. Eventually, we had a breakthrough after battling for two hours or so, the girl with the most verbal spirit - male snake was delivered. We led her to denounce the spirits and received Christ as Lord and Saviour.
Then the battle with the second girl continued. The demon in her refused any kind of contact. She did not want to be touched, she would block her ears and would kick and threaten to bite if you force your way. I actually got a very bad scratch from her that has left me with a scar as i tried to shield myself from her bite.
We battled on and on a few times diverted from the battle by the deceit the demon would engage. By this time, my whole body was soaked in sweat and fatigue. I started feeling drained and tired i just wanted to drop in a chair.
What a victory it was when the girl finally got delivered and just as the other denounced the spirits and got saved. The parents and the rest of the family got saved too. We then prayed a prayer of protection for the whole family and left. You should have seen the relief and excitement on our faces!
This had been a real litmus paper test. As the Lord Jesus Christ assured us Himself in Luke 10:19 that He has given us authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; And that nothing will harm us.
View pictures of the mission on mndeta picasa web album
The peak of my moments was when i found myself together with five others in a house with two demon possessed girls. This is where the faith that can move mountains takes charge.
Here we were in this hut, a family, local church group and these two girls who had been tormented by demons for a whole two weeks and were now in their third week. The look on their parents face was one of deep desperation. The mother would not even move anywhere near her wild children, while the father was one of those who were tying their limbs to try and contain them.
First,when we were asked to come pray for them, i thought it was a simple case of fever and such. But when i arrived and was confronted by the situation on the ground, i was kind of taken back. The Holy Spirit quickly reminded me of Mark 16:18 that says And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." At this moment, i took courage that i have come in the strength of the Lord. And so i was. This was going to be the real taste of my faith where the rubber meets the tarmac. As we undertook to prayer, the demons started manifesting themselves as the girls went wild, kicked, laughed and sang and danced vigorously. The demon in one would mock us and say 'this is useless effort.' We did not give up though. We kept praying, sweating and commanding it to leave by the power of the Blood of the Lamb Jesus Christ. Eventually, we had a breakthrough after battling for two hours or so, the girl with the most verbal spirit - male snake was delivered. We led her to denounce the spirits and received Christ as Lord and Saviour.
Then the battle with the second girl continued. The demon in her refused any kind of contact. She did not want to be touched, she would block her ears and would kick and threaten to bite if you force your way. I actually got a very bad scratch from her that has left me with a scar as i tried to shield myself from her bite.
We battled on and on a few times diverted from the battle by the deceit the demon would engage. By this time, my whole body was soaked in sweat and fatigue. I started feeling drained and tired i just wanted to drop in a chair.
What a victory it was when the girl finally got delivered and just as the other denounced the spirits and got saved. The parents and the rest of the family got saved too. We then prayed a prayer of protection for the whole family and left. You should have seen the relief and excitement on our faces!
This had been a real litmus paper test. As the Lord Jesus Christ assured us Himself in Luke 10:19 that He has given us authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; And that nothing will harm us.
View pictures of the mission on mndeta picasa web album
July 09, 2009
Gehazi the Liar
I had the honour of attending a Bible Study at my neighbours house by invitation. Boy, wasnt this a great time. The study's focus was 2 Kings 5. I begin by stating i am not an Old Testament person. So when we start this, I am a little perturbed why we should be studying the Old Testament, but then consoled that at least I shall have the pleasure of going through some of those books that challenge me when reading. Again, we are going to enjoy a story. I mean, that's what the book of Kings is about - stories of Israel and its kings. Stories of which king defeated which nation and the great soldiers and commanders who led the wars.
Guess what! Indeed it was one of those - about Naaman an army commander. I have read this story before. I know all about it. But let me wait and see what the Lord wants for me in it again today. After all, Bible verses have new meaning every other time you read them. They will address various situations anew every other time. We read through and reviewed each verse and its meaning from up till verse 19. When we got to verse 20, we read about Gehazi, Prophet Elisha's servant. This man after seeing all of the treasures that Elisha turned away Naaman with, he just cant understand it. A little thought comes to him how best he can have them for himself. He quickly honours this thought and runs after Naaman's chariot. Using the name of his boss, he takes some of the treasures and hides them in his house for himself.
As I read on, with a completely new revelation ( i mean, i have read this story before but never come across this Gehazi character. Or is it that i was never interested in him?!) I am thinking, um, how many of us are exactly the same! How many times have i gotten things in other people's names! And why not?!
Look what happens next (verse 25), the Spirit of the Lord reveals to Elisha what Gehazi has done. When asked, Gehazi conveniently lies to Elisha. I mean, if he was able to acquire the treasures from Naaman by a lie, why not use another to keep the truth from Elisha?! Arent a lot of us guilty of this?! I have told so many lies, unfortunately, "to not make the situation any worse." Or "not to make whoever feel bad." Or still "so that i dont look bad in their eyes."
Aha, better mend your ways before the seed grows a shoot!
In verse 27, Gehazi is cursed to get the leprosy, and have it CLEAVE onto his whole geneology! Can you imagine this! Now Gehazi inherits Naaman's leprosy and all of his descendants. All for what? A few pieces of silver and gold and expensive fabric!
Could it be that some of us are lepers because of sins that were committed by our forefathers?! Are we causing our descendants to suffer turmoil just because of a short moment of pleasure?! Have we angered God by our 'SMALL' and 'LITTLE' sins?! Are we building an empire of sin?! The wages of sin is death, so says the Bible in Romans 6:23, and continues that but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. So choose for your self who you will serve today.
Guess what! Indeed it was one of those - about Naaman an army commander. I have read this story before. I know all about it. But let me wait and see what the Lord wants for me in it again today. After all, Bible verses have new meaning every other time you read them. They will address various situations anew every other time. We read through and reviewed each verse and its meaning from up till verse 19. When we got to verse 20, we read about Gehazi, Prophet Elisha's servant. This man after seeing all of the treasures that Elisha turned away Naaman with, he just cant understand it. A little thought comes to him how best he can have them for himself. He quickly honours this thought and runs after Naaman's chariot. Using the name of his boss, he takes some of the treasures and hides them in his house for himself.
As I read on, with a completely new revelation ( i mean, i have read this story before but never come across this Gehazi character. Or is it that i was never interested in him?!) I am thinking, um, how many of us are exactly the same! How many times have i gotten things in other people's names! And why not?!
Look what happens next (verse 25), the Spirit of the Lord reveals to Elisha what Gehazi has done. When asked, Gehazi conveniently lies to Elisha. I mean, if he was able to acquire the treasures from Naaman by a lie, why not use another to keep the truth from Elisha?! Arent a lot of us guilty of this?! I have told so many lies, unfortunately, "to not make the situation any worse." Or "not to make whoever feel bad." Or still "so that i dont look bad in their eyes."
Aha, better mend your ways before the seed grows a shoot!
In verse 27, Gehazi is cursed to get the leprosy, and have it CLEAVE onto his whole geneology! Can you imagine this! Now Gehazi inherits Naaman's leprosy and all of his descendants. All for what? A few pieces of silver and gold and expensive fabric!
Could it be that some of us are lepers because of sins that were committed by our forefathers?! Are we causing our descendants to suffer turmoil just because of a short moment of pleasure?! Have we angered God by our 'SMALL' and 'LITTLE' sins?! Are we building an empire of sin?! The wages of sin is death, so says the Bible in Romans 6:23, and continues that but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. So choose for your self who you will serve today.
July 02, 2009
Can you or Cant You?!
Yesterday i spent my day at The Salvation Army's Joytown Secondary School for the disabled. My mission was to meet two young fellows - Julius and Dan (both in final year of high school) who have discovered their passion in writing and have decided to take it a notch higher. These two guys are working on manuscripts for publication- two already, in which they intent to share their testimonies and the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
As the day for our meeting approached, i kept wondering, "am i really adequate?! Will i measure up to the task?! How do i handle these smart guys! What if they asked me stuff i have no answers to?!" The thoughts went on and on.
And on this very day as i am going, those questions and newer ones flooded my mind. I started feeling like my head would soon burst open out of an overflow. I could not stop my mind from racing. I kept telling myself shut up! Stop there! Its enough! That is it! Yet the mind kept going.
Indeed God works in mysterious ways. His mysteries are immeasurable and can only be understood by Him. Arriving in town, i realised i was too early for the appointment - guess out of anxiety and wanting to give a good impression. I decided to console with a friends family who had recently suffered the lose of their dad as i kill time. As is my habit to look around, reading anything readable (wall hangings, pictures, calendars, sign posts and the like), i did my did - passed my eyes around to see what there was to read in the house. I read quite a few since the house had plenty. One of the hangings read, "if you say you can, you can. And if you say you cant, indeed you cant." Others spoke about the love of God, good neighbourliness and so forth. I left thinking to myself, if i don't make it with the guys, at least i have fulfilled one other thing - consoling with these ones.
The school chaplain received me and set me up in her office before leaving to get my hosts. At this point, it dawns on me how 'hot' the seat is. Soon the door bursts open and in come the two guys, Julius and Dan. I am told Dan is a powerful evangelist while Julius is a great singer. At that point my mind is going "for them to be known as 'powerful' evangelist and 'great' singer, these must be intelligent guys. How do i measure up to their expectation?!" My wondering mind is suddenly interrupted by the chaplain who says, Dan and Julius, this is Marion, the Editor.
I look at their faces trying to read and understand their minds. I see a million and one questions and thoughts. The one that seemed most loud was, "is this she?!"Out of courtesy, i smile back and appreciate knowing them. The chaplain quickly excuses herself and locks the door behind her, leaving me with these 'great' guys. I think to myself, OK, the day of reckoning is finally here! Where do i start?! For a moment i felt like Daniel in that den of lions - i assume, since the Bible does not tell us how Daniel reacted other than speaking of his act of faith. Not knowing what to say to them, i start, please Dan sit on this chair (on my right), and you Julius pull your wheelchair besides me on this other side - kind of shielding myself against running away just in case my mind goes wild and i cant take it anymore. Then i say, "shall we pray."
And again the mind goes, "what are you going to pray about? Why didn't you ask the prayer group back home to stand with you in prayer?" I ignored it and quickly said a prayer.
We then embarked on business - discussing the manuscript. As we go on, i am thinking, "oh, it wasn't that hard after all!" as my heart smiles to itself. They brought out questions, we shared pieces of information here and there. They would smile time and again as i pointed out one issues that needed refining. They also brought out other issues they were discovering that needed more attention as we move along. And on and on. We got to sharing experiences as we discussed ways to better the material and make it juicer. We shared testimonies, the great acts of the Lord in our lives. Before we knew it, the chaplain was calling at the door for us to break for lunch. It was actually ten minutes to three in the afternoon! Wow! We had been sitting here for three hours without realising it. How fast time had flown! It felt like we had been there for only half an hour!
Surprised, the three of us, now great friends burst out in laughter. We did not want to part but we had surpassed our time. Dan and Julius had missed their lunch and first lesson after lunch. Truly, it was time for them to get back to class.
Ooh! i didn't want us to part. Neither did they. We would have spent the whole day together talking and sharpening each other. And not just talking nothings, but stuff to lead us to destiny, as their manuscript put it. Julius and Dan had really challenged me. How come i had never thought of putting my own experiences together into a book?! i mean, i have lived longer than they have! I have had much more experiences than they...! Whoever said age is composite knew better.
To be sincere, this meeting moulded, trimmed and helped me to fit into that shape the Lord has cut out for me. At least i had learnt my day's lesson: "if you say you can, then you can and if you say you cant then indeed you cant."
As the day for our meeting approached, i kept wondering, "am i really adequate?! Will i measure up to the task?! How do i handle these smart guys! What if they asked me stuff i have no answers to?!" The thoughts went on and on.
And on this very day as i am going, those questions and newer ones flooded my mind. I started feeling like my head would soon burst open out of an overflow. I could not stop my mind from racing. I kept telling myself shut up! Stop there! Its enough! That is it! Yet the mind kept going.
Indeed God works in mysterious ways. His mysteries are immeasurable and can only be understood by Him. Arriving in town, i realised i was too early for the appointment - guess out of anxiety and wanting to give a good impression. I decided to console with a friends family who had recently suffered the lose of their dad as i kill time. As is my habit to look around, reading anything readable (wall hangings, pictures, calendars, sign posts and the like), i did my did - passed my eyes around to see what there was to read in the house. I read quite a few since the house had plenty. One of the hangings read, "if you say you can, you can. And if you say you cant, indeed you cant." Others spoke about the love of God, good neighbourliness and so forth. I left thinking to myself, if i don't make it with the guys, at least i have fulfilled one other thing - consoling with these ones.
The school chaplain received me and set me up in her office before leaving to get my hosts. At this point, it dawns on me how 'hot' the seat is. Soon the door bursts open and in come the two guys, Julius and Dan. I am told Dan is a powerful evangelist while Julius is a great singer. At that point my mind is going "for them to be known as 'powerful' evangelist and 'great' singer, these must be intelligent guys. How do i measure up to their expectation?!" My wondering mind is suddenly interrupted by the chaplain who says, Dan and Julius, this is Marion, the Editor.
I look at their faces trying to read and understand their minds. I see a million and one questions and thoughts. The one that seemed most loud was, "is this she?!"Out of courtesy, i smile back and appreciate knowing them. The chaplain quickly excuses herself and locks the door behind her, leaving me with these 'great' guys. I think to myself, OK, the day of reckoning is finally here! Where do i start?! For a moment i felt like Daniel in that den of lions - i assume, since the Bible does not tell us how Daniel reacted other than speaking of his act of faith. Not knowing what to say to them, i start, please Dan sit on this chair (on my right), and you Julius pull your wheelchair besides me on this other side - kind of shielding myself against running away just in case my mind goes wild and i cant take it anymore. Then i say, "shall we pray."
And again the mind goes, "what are you going to pray about? Why didn't you ask the prayer group back home to stand with you in prayer?" I ignored it and quickly said a prayer.
We then embarked on business - discussing the manuscript. As we go on, i am thinking, "oh, it wasn't that hard after all!" as my heart smiles to itself. They brought out questions, we shared pieces of information here and there. They would smile time and again as i pointed out one issues that needed refining. They also brought out other issues they were discovering that needed more attention as we move along. And on and on. We got to sharing experiences as we discussed ways to better the material and make it juicer. We shared testimonies, the great acts of the Lord in our lives. Before we knew it, the chaplain was calling at the door for us to break for lunch. It was actually ten minutes to three in the afternoon! Wow! We had been sitting here for three hours without realising it. How fast time had flown! It felt like we had been there for only half an hour!
Surprised, the three of us, now great friends burst out in laughter. We did not want to part but we had surpassed our time. Dan and Julius had missed their lunch and first lesson after lunch. Truly, it was time for them to get back to class.
Ooh! i didn't want us to part. Neither did they. We would have spent the whole day together talking and sharpening each other. And not just talking nothings, but stuff to lead us to destiny, as their manuscript put it. Julius and Dan had really challenged me. How come i had never thought of putting my own experiences together into a book?! i mean, i have lived longer than they have! I have had much more experiences than they...! Whoever said age is composite knew better.
To be sincere, this meeting moulded, trimmed and helped me to fit into that shape the Lord has cut out for me. At least i had learnt my day's lesson: "if you say you can, then you can and if you say you cant then indeed you cant."
June 26, 2009
Broken or Crushed
I felt i should share this message as sent to me by a friend. Hope it challenges and blesses you too:
Prayer is total surrender to God’s will and doing what God has told us to do.When we go to pray, one thing we are aiming to do is to hear what God is saying about each and every issue we present at the throne room.And a lot of times, our questions are about God’s business, purpose, will and destiny.And God is ever so faithful that He will tell you His commands.. and even send messengers.. but unless our Will is surrendered to His will... then it becomes a lost cause..But yet, the Lord wants to use us... and to ensure that we bear fruit for He is the one that begun the good work in us…So what happens to us?God then must bring situations in our lives that break us...not for our harm, but to lead us to a point of surrender and makes us whole in His presence.How about we willingly bend and break our will for His will? But [Jesus] looked at them and said, What then is [the meaning of] this that is written: The [very] Stone which the builders rejected has become the chief Stone of the corner [Cornerstone]? Everyone who falls on that Stone will be broken [in pieces]; but upon whomever It falls, It will crush him [winnow him and scatter him as dust].People, let us willingly surrender and live God’s will..Let us obey God.. that we may be called men and women after God’s own heart.what situation are you facing that causes you so much grief? what situation do you feel is out of control? have you truly surrendered?Put it back in God's hands... and surrender in prayer.
Prayer is total surrender to God’s will and doing what God has told us to do.When we go to pray, one thing we are aiming to do is to hear what God is saying about each and every issue we present at the throne room.And a lot of times, our questions are about God’s business, purpose, will and destiny.And God is ever so faithful that He will tell you His commands.. and even send messengers.. but unless our Will is surrendered to His will... then it becomes a lost cause..But yet, the Lord wants to use us... and to ensure that we bear fruit for He is the one that begun the good work in us…So what happens to us?God then must bring situations in our lives that break us...not for our harm, but to lead us to a point of surrender and makes us whole in His presence.How about we willingly bend and break our will for His will? But [Jesus] looked at them and said, What then is [the meaning of] this that is written: The [very] Stone which the builders rejected has become the chief Stone of the corner [Cornerstone]? Everyone who falls on that Stone will be broken [in pieces]; but upon whomever It falls, It will crush him [winnow him and scatter him as dust].People, let us willingly surrender and live God’s will..Let us obey God.. that we may be called men and women after God’s own heart.what situation are you facing that causes you so much grief? what situation do you feel is out of control? have you truly surrendered?Put it back in God's hands... and surrender in prayer.
June 22, 2009
In the closet
In the closet! Its funny how many of us twist the gospel for our own benefit! Its funny how we are quick to fix other people for acting contrary to the gospel and be so quick to turn the same around to justified our selfishness! Its funny how easy it is to go on and on talking about this and the other and that other to our friends, yet never remember to mention it to God in pray. In fact, God expects us to bring it to Him FIRST before telling it to our confidants.
This past week, i have enjoyed a bashing from the Lord. The Lord took it upon Himself to teach me these things. I am not sure i grasped all of it, but i know i heard it from Him loud and clear.
How does He want us to commune with Him in the closet? By going to Him with repentant hearts. Repentant hearts that have Godly sorrow. This kind of repentance recognises that we have wounded the heart of God but again recognises that there is no condemnation. With all these in mind, we shall then approach His throne in prayer to confess our sins, have changed lives and give selves to His fervent service.
On the other hand, if we realise that we have sinned and allow fear to engulf us instead of repenting, we are reminded that FEAR is the dark room of the devil where he develops his negatives. As Joshua was commanded, we need to be strong and of good cheer. Walk into the battle with confidence that He who is in us is greater than the one in the world.
After repentance, its now time to commune with God in prayer. Talk to daddy. Open your heart to Him. Allow Him to search your thoughts. In so doing, we are able to learn about God through the Holy Spirit, who will give us heavenly reports and reveal to us the heavenly conversations. We get to know what God thinks of us. Prayer elevates us to the spirit level. It gives us courage and helps us to prepare for combat before hand. That is; through prayer we are able to put on the full armour of God and keep from anxiety. Take time to give thanks to God for who He is and all He has done. Appreciate Him for all He is going to do. Contribute to heavenly worship through prayer as you seek righteousness. People, our real life experiences are what build our relationship with God. Our decisions should be based on our closet time with God... for then God deals with our issues in that secret place and gives us courage to do kingdom business..Heart and character surgery does not happen in the public.. it is in the closet but the results are for all to see. Lets spend time in the closet... in the car… in the church... praying privately and alone and lets see the results in the public domain.. Remember that the Lord honours those who seek Him whole-heartedly; in spirit and in truth. Will you be one of those?
Read the Word: this is another thing that the Lord brought to me so clearly. Do you know the mind of God? Do you know what He is saying to you? Do you what God wants of you? Do you know what He is saying about you? All of these answers are in His Word. The Lord wants us to know Him intimately. He wants us to know His mind. He wishes we would grow so close to each other that we can be able to tell what He is thinking of us. He wants us to experience Him every day of our lives, and feel Him so close to us always. What an honour! What an honour!
Lord, help me to know you. Help me to have time with you in my closet. Help me to bring it all to you FIRST Jehovah. Draw me by your side Lord, for this is my hearts desire.
This past week, i have enjoyed a bashing from the Lord. The Lord took it upon Himself to teach me these things. I am not sure i grasped all of it, but i know i heard it from Him loud and clear.
How does He want us to commune with Him in the closet? By going to Him with repentant hearts. Repentant hearts that have Godly sorrow. This kind of repentance recognises that we have wounded the heart of God but again recognises that there is no condemnation. With all these in mind, we shall then approach His throne in prayer to confess our sins, have changed lives and give selves to His fervent service.
On the other hand, if we realise that we have sinned and allow fear to engulf us instead of repenting, we are reminded that FEAR is the dark room of the devil where he develops his negatives. As Joshua was commanded, we need to be strong and of good cheer. Walk into the battle with confidence that He who is in us is greater than the one in the world.
After repentance, its now time to commune with God in prayer. Talk to daddy. Open your heart to Him. Allow Him to search your thoughts. In so doing, we are able to learn about God through the Holy Spirit, who will give us heavenly reports and reveal to us the heavenly conversations. We get to know what God thinks of us. Prayer elevates us to the spirit level. It gives us courage and helps us to prepare for combat before hand. That is; through prayer we are able to put on the full armour of God and keep from anxiety. Take time to give thanks to God for who He is and all He has done. Appreciate Him for all He is going to do. Contribute to heavenly worship through prayer as you seek righteousness. People, our real life experiences are what build our relationship with God. Our decisions should be based on our closet time with God... for then God deals with our issues in that secret place and gives us courage to do kingdom business..Heart and character surgery does not happen in the public.. it is in the closet but the results are for all to see. Lets spend time in the closet... in the car… in the church... praying privately and alone and lets see the results in the public domain.. Remember that the Lord honours those who seek Him whole-heartedly; in spirit and in truth. Will you be one of those?
Read the Word: this is another thing that the Lord brought to me so clearly. Do you know the mind of God? Do you know what He is saying to you? Do you what God wants of you? Do you know what He is saying about you? All of these answers are in His Word. The Lord wants us to know Him intimately. He wants us to know His mind. He wishes we would grow so close to each other that we can be able to tell what He is thinking of us. He wants us to experience Him every day of our lives, and feel Him so close to us always. What an honour! What an honour!
Lord, help me to know you. Help me to have time with you in my closet. Help me to bring it all to you FIRST Jehovah. Draw me by your side Lord, for this is my hearts desire.
June 18, 2009
The things of God...
Once a friend told me that its no good worrying about things you have no control over. The Lord has been teaching me to trust and obey Him as i patiently wait for His mighty move in whatever circumstance. I must admit i have not been very good at the not worrying and trusting that He is working all things for my good.
Just a day ago, He proved me wrong as always with my worries. I mean He answered a prayer that had been a wish from me instantly. I didn't realise i needed to pray about it, even though i had kept mentioning it. It only occurred to me that it was a prayer after my desire was fulfilled like in a flash of a second. I didn't know how to receive it because it caught completely off-guard. What a pleasant surprise now that i have less to worry about.
God, you are so good and i love you for being my friend.
Just a day ago, He proved me wrong as always with my worries. I mean He answered a prayer that had been a wish from me instantly. I didn't realise i needed to pray about it, even though i had kept mentioning it. It only occurred to me that it was a prayer after my desire was fulfilled like in a flash of a second. I didn't know how to receive it because it caught completely off-guard. What a pleasant surprise now that i have less to worry about.
God, you are so good and i love you for being my friend.
May 19, 2009
The mysteries of God
There are so many Bible verses that speak about death and the benefits of it especially to Christians. One other time, a friend of mine said she wished one of those who have gone ahead of us would come back and share what heaven is really like. You would wonder why such a thought yet the Bible provides so many testimonies of how it is there. Apostle Paul in his episodes talks about being absent in the body is being present in the spirit. As Christians, we are also encouraged and exhorted not to mourn as those who are ignorant but to mourn with the knowledge that we are here temporarily as we prepare to be home with our Father God.
This may seem so easy, but i just learned that its easier said that done. The past month has not been an easy one for me. While i have been always quick to console with the bereaved asking them to take heart and be encouraged as they find comfort in Christ, the same didn't apply when death recently visited my house. It first started with the illness of my only aunt - my mum's only sister. The day i saw her lying in the hospital bed... i think i was not well prepared for what i would find. It was nothing close to my aunt i had always known - the warm, upbeat and motherly. The moment she heard of your presence, she would run to hug you, try to lift you from the ground, comment on your weight, facial outlook, dressing, hairstyle and such. The smile on her face would crown it all. There would be no doubt that it was all sincere from her heart. Here she was lying there, not sure whether she is seeing me or not, with an endless stare in her eyes. She smiled but didn't seem quite like it, trying to move her hand to embrace me but with no strength to go further than the edge of the bed. For a moment, my body went numb. I didn't move, and kept fighting the stream of tears i was feeling filling my eyes. Then i quickly remembered that i had to stay strong for her and encourage her. I stretched my hand into her open palm and she held tight onto me and kept smiling. Then i asked her daughter how i would know if she recognised me. Surprisingly, my aunt nodded in response.
I spoke to her while she kept nodding even though she couldn't talk back. I cuddled her hand wishing she would say something but nothing. Every time she tried talking there would come a deep groan from her throat. Overwhelmed by the sadness, i released her hand and went out to sob. It was too difficult to take.
That was the beginning of my worries. For a whole two weeks all i did was cry and cry even more. I cried at my desk, in the bathroom and in bed. I was always full. I had no room for food. Every time i went before the Lord i would end up saying nothing but would just cry. Thank God He hears even our deepest groaning. I am sure He knew what i was out to tell Him. The phone became my greatest enemy worrying every time i heard it ring.
And indeed it finally rung to confirm my worst fears- she had passed on.
Three weeks down the line i am still working at letting go. Every time i think of her i cant just take it in. Yet i saw her being laid to rest. Is this what all bereaved people go through?! Especially bereaved Christians?!
I am sure God is really disappointed with me! I am consoled though that He understands my weakness and is forgiving because He sees the will to let go but the human nature is still holding on. As i have always said, Christianity is the hardest thing on earth. Being a christian and living all that comes with it is a real job. No wonder Paul in Romans says we have all fallen short of the the glory of God. I thank God for His grace that is ever sufficient. If it were not for it, i don't know what would become of me. Maybe He would have also taken me home. And that scares me because if He came He wouldn't find me worthy if i am still struggling with accepting His will. Every single day, i am telling myself that in all that God does, He does it PERFECTLY well, and that in all thing He works for our good. I want to internalise these and probably snap back to reality and move on in faith as i await His coming for me. For it shall surely come to pass.
Are you there feeling dejected and in so much pain like i am? God loves you. He cares about you so much that your pain is His too. It hurts Him just as much as it does hurt you, but He still has to perform His will for our lives. He desires that we may know His good and perfect will for us.
Paul in Philippians 4:4 exhorts us to rejoice in the Lord always and verse 7 adds that and His peace that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
This may seem so easy, but i just learned that its easier said that done. The past month has not been an easy one for me. While i have been always quick to console with the bereaved asking them to take heart and be encouraged as they find comfort in Christ, the same didn't apply when death recently visited my house. It first started with the illness of my only aunt - my mum's only sister. The day i saw her lying in the hospital bed... i think i was not well prepared for what i would find. It was nothing close to my aunt i had always known - the warm, upbeat and motherly. The moment she heard of your presence, she would run to hug you, try to lift you from the ground, comment on your weight, facial outlook, dressing, hairstyle and such. The smile on her face would crown it all. There would be no doubt that it was all sincere from her heart. Here she was lying there, not sure whether she is seeing me or not, with an endless stare in her eyes. She smiled but didn't seem quite like it, trying to move her hand to embrace me but with no strength to go further than the edge of the bed. For a moment, my body went numb. I didn't move, and kept fighting the stream of tears i was feeling filling my eyes. Then i quickly remembered that i had to stay strong for her and encourage her. I stretched my hand into her open palm and she held tight onto me and kept smiling. Then i asked her daughter how i would know if she recognised me. Surprisingly, my aunt nodded in response.
I spoke to her while she kept nodding even though she couldn't talk back. I cuddled her hand wishing she would say something but nothing. Every time she tried talking there would come a deep groan from her throat. Overwhelmed by the sadness, i released her hand and went out to sob. It was too difficult to take.
That was the beginning of my worries. For a whole two weeks all i did was cry and cry even more. I cried at my desk, in the bathroom and in bed. I was always full. I had no room for food. Every time i went before the Lord i would end up saying nothing but would just cry. Thank God He hears even our deepest groaning. I am sure He knew what i was out to tell Him. The phone became my greatest enemy worrying every time i heard it ring.
And indeed it finally rung to confirm my worst fears- she had passed on.
Three weeks down the line i am still working at letting go. Every time i think of her i cant just take it in. Yet i saw her being laid to rest. Is this what all bereaved people go through?! Especially bereaved Christians?!
I am sure God is really disappointed with me! I am consoled though that He understands my weakness and is forgiving because He sees the will to let go but the human nature is still holding on. As i have always said, Christianity is the hardest thing on earth. Being a christian and living all that comes with it is a real job. No wonder Paul in Romans says we have all fallen short of the the glory of God. I thank God for His grace that is ever sufficient. If it were not for it, i don't know what would become of me. Maybe He would have also taken me home. And that scares me because if He came He wouldn't find me worthy if i am still struggling with accepting His will. Every single day, i am telling myself that in all that God does, He does it PERFECTLY well, and that in all thing He works for our good. I want to internalise these and probably snap back to reality and move on in faith as i await His coming for me. For it shall surely come to pass.
Are you there feeling dejected and in so much pain like i am? God loves you. He cares about you so much that your pain is His too. It hurts Him just as much as it does hurt you, but He still has to perform His will for our lives. He desires that we may know His good and perfect will for us.
Paul in Philippians 4:4 exhorts us to rejoice in the Lord always and verse 7 adds that and His peace that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
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