While having a shower this morning, i just felt this urge to take on prayer and fasting. So i stepped back and wondered to myself, why? And the quiet voice said for yourself. I again asked, "what about myself?" And there was no response.
I took up the challenge, left for work in that mood. On reading my devotion, i saw this words in Colossians 4:2, about engaging ourselves in prayer, which really caught my eye,Titus 1 that talks about a people (Cretans) who were known for their malice, lies and all sorts of evil. These two scriptures really caught my thoughts. I slept on it for a while and indeed the whole day. And as it would be, the two scriptures unfolded slowly before my own sight.
That quiet still voice had been preparing me for a battle. I needed to be dressed in the armour of God to fight well. In real sense, the matter has been an ongoing battle with a few people who want to deny me what is rightfully mine. It actually started three years ago, and after several attemots, i gave up on the issue last year. when i thought i had burried it, it resurfaced just last week and it seemed like for once i was going to justily have it. Through the weekend and up till this morning, i knew this was a settled case, until i wrote that "defining" email as i had thought and the setback came hitting hard once again. The it dawned on me that this was a battle that was beyond me.
For a moment i was so upset with God. I even asked Him why He had directed me to pray only to have me disappointed early in the day. I was going to break that fast and forget about it. After all, i had no issues that needed serious intervention that would call for a fast, if this one had been dashed.
I started searching frantically for a person to share with. I wanted to tell someone about it and get it off my head. My head was on fire! I was going to burst in anger. I didn't want to work anymore. I felt like walking out and going for good.
I thought of who would have been the most appropriate to tell; i told a colleague, but it didn't seem to cool the anger. Then i thought again, and thought of my best friend.
I started looking for her online, she was not there. I thought of calling her, but again decided telephone wouldnt give time to a satisfactory discussion with the costs involved. I wondered how i would get her to come online, then i got an idea...i wrote her a mail. It simply said "where are you? I need to talk to you!" Then mentioned a few details about the story.
Not long after that, she came on. I saw the red light on meaning she had responded, and quickly went there to see her response. Then i saw her opening statement, "do you have some time?" i knew she wanted to talk about something else. I responded in the affirmative and we started off on a conversation completely away from the reason i had been looking for her. Some where along the way, she got to see my mail, and i saw her write "i just read your email, are these people mad!" And i immediately knew i wasn't over reacting. I had been robbed. I had been treated unfairly, i was being targeted negatively.
As i positioned the cursor to respond, i heard that still voice again say "i have been here all along and you didn't turn to me."
It saddened me imagining that God had been here waiting and i didn't share with Him. I hadnt noticed Him! That i depended more on my friend than on God... I felt like i would weep. Suddenly the anger turned to frailty, and my mind went wild wondering how to apologise. My friend was going on and on, and i realised i had passed on the anger to her. She was so upset about the whole issue! And slowly as we continued conversing, i heard in my mind, that seemed like it was her voice people of the world can take away your money, they can take your labour for granted, but they can never take your Christ away.
Oh, how great this made me feel!
And do you know this is what we have done almost every single day of our lives! Do you know Christ has been around us all day, and watched over us all night. He has ndured our endless tears and whining, waiting for us to turn to Him and say, "Lord, take over." Sadly, we have not. We have fought loosing battles, we have raised accusing fingers, we have walked in our strength, we have even put our trust in man, which Jeremiah 17: 5 says "cursed is the person who trusts humans, who makes flesh and blood his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord" (God's word Translation Bible).
I am reminded of a forward that once got to my mail box. It talked about God writing to one of His children (me or you, whoever). It depicted of how He sits besides us day long, then throughout the night, and again the next day, waiting for us to talk to Him but in vain. After waiting and waiting, He decided to write and bring out the issues of this particular one that he/she would have turned to Him but did not. How often do we fall in this same place? When God expects that we would turn out burdens and worries to Him and we do not? Even when He has offered us His yoke which He has called EASY/LIGHT!
