While watching news just a while ago, I saw this disturbing story of a six years old who has been molested by a GANG of unknown men. It reminded me of the many conversations I have been having this past few weeks with hundreds of women victims of sexual violence. Rape perpetrated by a relative (parent, uncles, siblings), strangers like robbers, carjackers, employers or even boyfriends. Most of these women have lived with their pain in silence for decades. Some have pretended to forget just for seeking peace they cannot find within themselves. Some as old as 50 years living with the pain inflicted on them as innocent 5 year olds. At 5 years, they had their childhood stolen from them just like today's victim on news, and now they live shattered lives. Living in the shadow of a dark and haunting past.
What saddens me most is that a lot of these women have never been able to speak out about their pain because the few that have tried have been castigated and even stigmatised by the very society that should protect them and fight to restore dignity that we are seemingly losing at our watch.
Take Eustace (not her real name) for instance, she was sexually violated by a man well known to her family on her way to school. The said man is a businessman with some money to his "good" name. Being a daughter of a widow with nothing much to their name, the mother to this Standard Six girl agreed to an out of court settlement after coercion from the entire family. The culprit paid Eustace's mother some 5,000 shillings and that marked the end of the case.
Nine months later, Eustace became a mother to a baby boy. Her schooling was interrupted for the whole of 2013 as she stayed home to take care of her boy while the "rich" business man continued with his life like nothing ever happened or mattered. As I write, Eustace's child, due to poor care during pregnancy was born with a mental problem. Obviously due to the economic state of her family, they are not able to attend to the child's medical needs.
They are now desperately trying to find a solution to their predicament. They are in a dilemma. They cant pursue the court direction anymore since the poor woman agreed to an out of court settlement and its all documented. At the time when she consented to the out of court settlement, Eustace's mother had no idea a pregnancy had arisen for the crime. Nevertheless, the crime is a crime whether it gave birth to a baby or not.
The same is the story of many others. Languishing in anger, rejection, bitterness, suicidal thoughts and even life threatening conditions. All courtesy of RAPE.
My take; as long as we still speak about RAPE in hushed tones, castigate and stigmatise survivors of sexual violence and easily kill the voices of those who seek to speak against it, we will continue suffering a broken and sick society. A society that is filled with pain and in-capacitation of those with great potential among us.
Can we rise against this?
Can we stand up and be counted?
Why should my gender or sex be a constant source of pain and anguish? No one chose to be born male or female. Society should desist from defining masculinity through violence and the like. Have you ever heard someone congratulating a male for having succeeded in laying a woman regardless of whether it was out of consent or forced? Oh it does happen. Yes it does. Most of our cultures grade young men as grown up men once they have been able to have sex with a female. Actually, during initiation ceremonies, most of the teachings they receive there is as such. And so they come out with one focus - to have sex at all cost.
I have even heard others saying once a boy gets to Form One and they start studying biology and the human anatomy, they come home for holiday with one resolve - to lay a woman. And those who are unlucky at achieving this resolve are teased by his peers. And so, sex is a man's thing. Women only become a tool. At least that's what such men grow up knowing and so they most comfortably subscribe to it.
You know what, we have to have these conversations. Bold and candid conversations. Parents with their children. Older siblings and their younger siblings. Aunties/uncles with nieces and nephews. Even among peers. Lets talk about these things. Let us clear our society of these vampires. These bloodsucking pests. They all deserve to rot in jail. So lets all rise and heed the call.
I have my fingers crossed. I believe in your ability to come forth and join in the fight.. Wont you?
