While watching news just a while ago, I saw this disturbing story of a six years old who has been molested by a GANG of unknown men. It reminded me of the many conversations I have been having this past few weeks with hundreds of women victims of sexual violence. Rape perpetrated by a relative (parent, uncles, siblings), strangers like robbers, carjackers, employers or even boyfriends. Most of these women have lived with their pain in silence for decades. Some have pretended to forget just for seeking peace they cannot find within themselves. Some as old as 50 years living with the pain inflicted on them as innocent 5 year olds. At 5 years, they had their childhood stolen from them just like today's victim on news, and now they live shattered lives. Living in the shadow of a dark and haunting past.
What saddens me most is that a lot of these women have never been able to speak out about their pain because the few that have tried have been castigated and even stigmatised by the very society that should protect them and fight to restore dignity that we are seemingly losing at our watch.
Take Eustace (not her real name) for instance, she was sexually violated by a man well known to her family on her way to school. The said man is a businessman with some money to his "good" name. Being a daughter of a widow with nothing much to their name, the mother to this Standard Six girl agreed to an out of court settlement after coercion from the entire family. The culprit paid Eustace's mother some 5,000 shillings and that marked the end of the case.
Nine months later, Eustace became a mother to a baby boy. Her schooling was interrupted for the whole of 2013 as she stayed home to take care of her boy while the "rich" business man continued with his life like nothing ever happened or mattered. As I write, Eustace's child, due to poor care during pregnancy was born with a mental problem. Obviously due to the economic state of her family, they are not able to attend to the child's medical needs.
They are now desperately trying to find a solution to their predicament. They are in a dilemma. They cant pursue the court direction anymore since the poor woman agreed to an out of court settlement and its all documented. At the time when she consented to the out of court settlement, Eustace's mother had no idea a pregnancy had arisen for the crime. Nevertheless, the crime is a crime whether it gave birth to a baby or not.
The same is the story of many others. Languishing in anger, rejection, bitterness, suicidal thoughts and even life threatening conditions. All courtesy of RAPE.
My take; as long as we still speak about RAPE in hushed tones, castigate and stigmatise survivors of sexual violence and easily kill the voices of those who seek to speak against it, we will continue suffering a broken and sick society. A society that is filled with pain and in-capacitation of those with great potential among us.
Can we rise against this?
Can we stand up and be counted?
Why should my gender or sex be a constant source of pain and anguish? No one chose to be born male or female. Society should desist from defining masculinity through violence and the like. Have you ever heard someone congratulating a male for having succeeded in laying a woman regardless of whether it was out of consent or forced? Oh it does happen. Yes it does. Most of our cultures grade young men as grown up men once they have been able to have sex with a female. Actually, during initiation ceremonies, most of the teachings they receive there is as such. And so they come out with one focus - to have sex at all cost.
I have even heard others saying once a boy gets to Form One and they start studying biology and the human anatomy, they come home for holiday with one resolve - to lay a woman. And those who are unlucky at achieving this resolve are teased by his peers. And so, sex is a man's thing. Women only become a tool. At least that's what such men grow up knowing and so they most comfortably subscribe to it.
You know what, we have to have these conversations. Bold and candid conversations. Parents with their children. Older siblings and their younger siblings. Aunties/uncles with nieces and nephews. Even among peers. Lets talk about these things. Let us clear our society of these vampires. These bloodsucking pests. They all deserve to rot in jail. So lets all rise and heed the call.
I have my fingers crossed. I believe in your ability to come forth and join in the fight.. Wont you?
January 21, 2014
February 27, 2013
SHAPERS, MENDERS AND BREAKERS
It is my birthday! Yeepe! Thanksgiving to God for
sustenance. It has taken His hand, grace and mercy.
In retrospect of the year that has been, the past few months
have been interesting. Weeks that have had both bad and great tidings – kind of
a mixed grilled.
First, it was the joy of hearkening to God’s stealth voice
and getting to reach out to a friend. Just to make them know they are loved and
appreciated. Wow! What a blessing it turned out to be. The tears of joy... And just knowing that you have touched a soul.
I guess that’s what Jesus meant in Matthew when He says at
the end of time, He will acknowledge that when I was hungry you fed me, and when
I was naked you dressed me. Our little
acts of generosity go along way. Our Jerusalem so to say, before we seek to
conquer Judea, Samaria and the rest of the world.
Then came moments of walking with hurting loved ones.
Hurting from breakups, imminent breakups, bereavement and even sickness. Always
a bitter pill to swallow.
Without sounding like a ‘Fruit inspector’ or God’s auditor,
you would imagine people especially those closest those hurting and undergoing
challenges would come close and help create sanity. Shock! Most become the
voice of confusion and sources of pain. They quickly turn from
supporters/comforters to agents of division, discriminators, and worse - hate-mongers.
No wonder the Bible says the heart of man is DESPERATELY wicked. I mean, it can
only be a wicked heart that will go out to cause more pain and hurt to an
already broken heart that is shouting out for bandaging and mending. May the
Lord help us!
Then came politics. Full swing and full-time. What! Haven’t
we been constipated from the intrigues that are going on... alignments, re-
alignments and counter-alignments. Coalitions and marriages – both mature and immature
ones. Continued bickering, wrangling and mudslinging among other dirt that
politics unearths. I have had more than enough of it, yet we still have months
to walk on this path before the actual voting takes place. Oh, actually, we are
counting days now.
The climax of it all, the JUBILEE!!! Wow! Don’t I love this!
That I am honoured to be alive at such a time. That I am a partaker together
with the saints. It is such an honour.
I bless God!
July 07, 2012
April 26, 2012
EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
By Pastors Kamau & Judy Karanja - As heard on
Hope Fm [March & April 2012]
1.
DEFINITION OF EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
- A relationship with a third party, other than your loved one, that has crossed boundaries of emotional intimacy that should be preserved for the one that you love.
- It excludes physical intimacy but includes emotional intimacy. It can begin as innocently as a friendship.
- It defies strict definition and that’s partly what makes it so dangerous.
- It’s an indiscretion or impurity of the heart and mind, not [yet] the flesh.
- In today’s world, it does not even have to involve face to face meeting. Cheating now includes having intimate correspondence with someone while on a cell phone, computer or other forms of communication and maintaining a close, personal relationship with someone other than your loved one.
2.
HOW EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY HAPPENS
a.
May even begin with an innocent encounter/meeting. One or both parties
are not necessarily looking for an affair.
b.
Progresses into an exchange of personal information.
c.
More one on one meetings begin to happen for one reason or the other.
Business, church, office…
d.
The information shared begins to become more and more personal and
intimate.
e.
The relationship now begins to edge out and undermine one’s love
relationship.
3.
THE DANGERS OF EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
a.
It affects/pollutes/defiles the core of a person, the heart. - Pr 4:23
b.
Emotional infidelity threatens and undermines the emotional bond between
couples. Pure and healthy friendships and attractions don't need to threaten a
marriage at all, but add richness and enjoyment to life. This relationship
however, threatens the legitimate relationship.
c.
The sharing of intimate information with someone else other than your
loved one in emotional infidelity crosses the boundaries of trust and
confidentiality. A third party becomes a confidant and often the critic of your
partner. The relationship causes betrayal of intimate details and secrets that
a couple shares and reveals them to a third party.
d.
It competes with your relationship. Robbing it of valuable time, trust
and emotional bonding. It causes insecurity to come into the relationship.
- Ex 20:5
e.
It is selfish. Most people who defend this relationship would be very
jealous if it was their loved one who was so close with a member of the
opposite sex.
f.
Where there is sexual attraction [spoken or unspoken], it is sin. - Mt
5:28
g.
It is flirting with danger. - Pr 6:28
4.
SYMPTOMS OF EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
a.
You are becoming preoccupied and daydream about your “friend” more and
more.
b.
You participate in corporate/business dating i.e. dating under the guise
of business where you convince yourselves that’s it’s “nothing personal, just
business”.
c.
You find yourself anticipating when you can communicate or be with your
“friend” again. Alone time together is important to you.
d.
You begin sharing your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your
“friend” instead of your loved one. You share emotional difficulties with this
person and they advice you. They may also turn to you for intimate counsel,
even about their own relationship.
e.
Your “friend” seems to understand you better than your loved one does.
f.
When confronted about the apparent emotional affair, you respond,
"We're just friends. There is denial of the feelings or the impending
danger.
g.
You are keeping your friendship or parts of your friendship a secret from
your loved one. Your loved one does not have access to all of the conversations
you are having with this person - e-mail, texting, in person, etc. There begins
to be deception and secrecy.
h.
You develop special rituals with your “friend” that are highly
anticipated by both parties. When the rituals don't happen there is great
disappointment.
i.
You find reasons to give your “friend” personal gifts. You provide
special treats [indulgences] for your “friend”.
j.
You spend money on this “friend” behind your loved one's back.
k.
You begin withdrawing from your loved one. They don’t excite you as much
as this person any more.
l.
You are more concerned about your “friend” than your loved one.
m.
Conflicts arise between you and your loved one over this friendship. You
accuse your loved one of jealousy when the friendship is brought up.
n.
You lie to your loved one in order to spend time with this “friend”.
o.
You begin losing interest in being intimate with your loved one, either
emotionally or sexually.
p.
You fantasize about marriage with this “friend”.
4.
SIGNS THAT YOUR LOVED ONE MAY BE GETTING INTO EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
a.
They get a text or phone call and walk out of the room to communicate.
b.
They get unusually happy when communication from that person arrives.
c.
They speak about this person often.
d.
They compare you unfavourably to that person – this is a big warning
sign!
e.
They don’t want to do things together; things that you usually do
f.
They suddenly think the cute things you do (things particular to you
being a couple) are silly and immature
g.
They pay close attention to their looks when they are going to meet this
person.
h.
For married couples, they may not even want sex with their spouse or when
they do they fantasize about the other person).
5.
WHY DO BELIEVERS FALL INTO THIS TRAP [OF EMOTIONAL / PHYSICAL INFIDELITY]
Ho 4:6
a.
Ignorance or Lack of knowledge.
b.
Rejecting Knowledge or foolishness.
c.
Forgetting knowledge [forget the vows, promises].
d.
Learning the ways of the heathen. - Jer 10:2
e.
Yielding [giving in] to temptation. - 1st Co 10:13
f.
Improper / careless interactions with members of the opposite sex.
[Especially in speech, dressing and mannerisms].
- Entertaining sensual talk [labels] - Pr 5:3
- Provocative dressing. - Pr 7:7
- Inappropriate / unrestrained physical affection.
g.
Unmet needs [or needs met inadequately]. – 1st Co 7:3
N/b
– Marriage is a need meeting relationship.
h.
A poor soul [mind, will, emotions]. - 3rd Jo 1:2
i.
Lack of trustworthiness.
[To be continued: How to get out of an emotional affair]
September 16, 2011
Singles
Here is a devotion i received from a friend and its enriching;
'He who finds a wife finds a good thing.' Proverbs 18:22
Single people need three things. First, they need acceptance. 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing.' But what if you can't find 'a good thing'? By placing all our emphasis on marriage and family, the church can make single people feel like 'a spare part. 'God places the lonely in families.' (Psalm 68:6). So let's include them, motivate them and make them feel at home. Second, they need healing. People who've been through divorce have been through hell, and they don't need to be treated like second-class citizens. Regardless of who's 'guilty' or who's 'innocent', hearts need to be mended and lives need to be reclaimed. We're in the 'oil and wine business'. The Good Samaritan poured oil, which speaks of spiritual empowerment, and wine, which speaks of joy, into the badly injured man's wounds. And Jesus said that we are to "Go and do likewise"' (Luke 10:37 NIV). Third, single people need hope. God 'brought Eve to Adam.' (Genesis 2:22-23). Let's encourage our single friends not to be driven by loneliness and unmet needs, but to be led by God. If you are single, here is a prayer: 'Lord, reassure me that I'm believing according to Your will. Teach me the difference between what I must pursue and what I must wait on You for. They say You are never late. In these days of waiting, keep me strong in faith. Don't let me stop short of my blessing. Remind me that I must not throw away my confidence for it will be richly rewarded. In Christ's name. Amen.'
'He who finds a wife finds a good thing.' Proverbs 18:22
Single people need three things. First, they need acceptance. 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing.' But what if you can't find 'a good thing'? By placing all our emphasis on marriage and family, the church can make single people feel like 'a spare part. 'God places the lonely in families.' (Psalm 68:6). So let's include them, motivate them and make them feel at home. Second, they need healing. People who've been through divorce have been through hell, and they don't need to be treated like second-class citizens. Regardless of who's 'guilty' or who's 'innocent', hearts need to be mended and lives need to be reclaimed. We're in the 'oil and wine business'. The Good Samaritan poured oil, which speaks of spiritual empowerment, and wine, which speaks of joy, into the badly injured man's wounds. And Jesus said that we are to "Go and do likewise"' (Luke 10:37 NIV). Third, single people need hope. God 'brought Eve to Adam.' (Genesis 2:22-23). Let's encourage our single friends not to be driven by loneliness and unmet needs, but to be led by God. If you are single, here is a prayer: 'Lord, reassure me that I'm believing according to Your will. Teach me the difference between what I must pursue and what I must wait on You for. They say You are never late. In these days of waiting, keep me strong in faith. Don't let me stop short of my blessing. Remind me that I must not throw away my confidence for it will be richly rewarded. In Christ's name. Amen.'
August 01, 2011
July 15, 2011
May 25, 2011
January 24, 2011
The Mark of a Christian Leader
I post this story that i authored and was published in the Revive Magazine (January - March 2011 issue).
See if there is anything you can glean from it.
God bless you!
2011 Goals
Dear follower,
I am posting a year's goals guide for us in the New Year. This is just so as to help us keep track of our various goals we wish to achieve in this year.
Here it is:
Name __________________
2011 GOALS
Body, Mind, Spirit
CATEGORY
Body
1.
2.
3.
Mind
1.
2.
3.
Soul
1.
2.
3.
Other
1.
2.
3.
Instructions
· Each category of Body, Mind, and Soul should have 2-3 goals.
· The category of Other may have 0-3 goals
· Each goal should be specific and measurable
· At the end of each quarter (Mar/June/Sept/Dec), check off your progress in the proper column (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am posting a year's goals guide for us in the New Year. This is just so as to help us keep track of our various goals we wish to achieve in this year.
Here it is:
Name __________________
2011 GOALS
Body, Mind, Spirit
CATEGORY
Body
1.
2.
3.
Mind
1.
2.
3.
Soul
1.
2.
3.
Other
1.
2.
3.
Instructions
· Each category of Body, Mind, and Soul should have 2-3 goals.
· The category of Other may have 0-3 goals
· Each goal should be specific and measurable
· At the end of each quarter (Mar/June/Sept/Dec), check off your progress in the proper column (1, 2, 3, 4)
December 09, 2010
A Friend of God
The title of this blog is A Friend of God!
What exactly does it mean to be a friend of...it means you care, you are careful not to offend, you have the interest of the other at heart. The other comes before you. A friend sticks closer than a brother. They will stomach all your flaws, but be keen to point out when you are going out of line...the list is endless.
I know God considers me His friend because He has all the mentioned and more for me. I am however not sure i qualify to call Him my friend. Why? Because as Paul writes in Romans 8, i have so many times fallen short of God's glory. I at this moment feel like i shouldnt refer to myself as a friend of God. I must feel like the prodigal son at that moment when he had squandered his all and wouldnt garner the courage to go back to his dad and seek restitution. That period when he fed on pig pods... i am at that level of David crying out and beseeching God not to withdraw His Spirit from him, but just have mercy upon him and restore with a right spirit.
Those at the bottom of the valley experiences that you look at and all you can say is "God, here its you. Get me out of here and leave me to die."
Are you in a similar situation. Are you at a point you are thinking "how could i?" You are not alone. The Bible assures us that God never slumbers nor sleeps. That we are the apple of His eye. What that simply means is that we are at the centre of His interest. All that He does is centred around us. No matter how far we walk away from Him, His hand of compassion still beckons us back to Him. He will receive you and together with the angels in heaven host a party to celebrate our coming back home. How i long for this moment! That moment when i am going to be able to face Him once again and have Him embrace me, wipe away my tears, and keep assuring me that all of my iniquities have been blotted out. Will you come together with me? Will you run with me to the mercy seat? Lets together gather the strength and courage. I am myself. Just making sure i am not leaving you back. We must go together and claim back our inheritance. Not so that we can go squander it in a far away land again, but like David would say just look at our iniquitied and forgive us daddy! Just as we are without a plea...
Psalm 51:1 - 17; Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, OGod of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
What exactly does it mean to be a friend of...it means you care, you are careful not to offend, you have the interest of the other at heart. The other comes before you. A friend sticks closer than a brother. They will stomach all your flaws, but be keen to point out when you are going out of line...the list is endless.
I know God considers me His friend because He has all the mentioned and more for me. I am however not sure i qualify to call Him my friend. Why? Because as Paul writes in Romans 8, i have so many times fallen short of God's glory. I at this moment feel like i shouldnt refer to myself as a friend of God. I must feel like the prodigal son at that moment when he had squandered his all and wouldnt garner the courage to go back to his dad and seek restitution. That period when he fed on pig pods... i am at that level of David crying out and beseeching God not to withdraw His Spirit from him, but just have mercy upon him and restore with a right spirit.
Those at the bottom of the valley experiences that you look at and all you can say is "God, here its you. Get me out of here and leave me to die."
Are you in a similar situation. Are you at a point you are thinking "how could i?" You are not alone. The Bible assures us that God never slumbers nor sleeps. That we are the apple of His eye. What that simply means is that we are at the centre of His interest. All that He does is centred around us. No matter how far we walk away from Him, His hand of compassion still beckons us back to Him. He will receive you and together with the angels in heaven host a party to celebrate our coming back home. How i long for this moment! That moment when i am going to be able to face Him once again and have Him embrace me, wipe away my tears, and keep assuring me that all of my iniquities have been blotted out. Will you come together with me? Will you run with me to the mercy seat? Lets together gather the strength and courage. I am myself. Just making sure i am not leaving you back. We must go together and claim back our inheritance. Not so that we can go squander it in a far away land again, but like David would say just look at our iniquitied and forgive us daddy! Just as we are without a plea...
Psalm 51:1 - 17; Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, OGod of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
July 30, 2010
What is God saying?
This past two weeks have turned out to be very challenging for me. I have been receiving responsibilities that have left me thinking, "I cant do this!" "This is beyond me!" "How can they/them think of me as able to handle that!" The surprising thing is that as i have been turning down this responsibilities, more have kept coming, with none of the assigners budging. I am therefore left with only one option - execute the assignment and if not risk embarrassement and even humiliation.
And so i have been going, eh, God! You are overwhelming me! And the more a gasp and whin, the more the responsibilities land on my lap. As of now, i have resigned my fate to His will. If He wants to let the responsibilities crush me, then its upon Him. If He allows me to be overwhelmed to the point of giving up, or not measuring up to the expectations then its about His name. It is His name that will be downtrodden. Otherwise i have anchored in Him and left it all to Him. After all He says in the Word that He will not bring our way anything that we will not be able to bear, but He will give us the grace to endure it all, and where necessary provide an escape route for us.
I bless you God for your have predestined me. You knew me even before i was formed in my mother's womb, and you have numbered the hairs of my head. A thousand years are like one day in your sight oh Lord! Who am i to hinder your moving. When you choose to bless you bless, and when you choose to punish again you do. You alone oh God are worthy. You reign in majesty and in righteousness. May your favour be with me as i serve you in these places you are planting me. And may it all be to the glory and honour of your name, and about you alone oh Lord! You are an awesome God Jehovah!
I surrender to your will. Help me keep your statutes dear Father, and walk in your righteousness. Hold me by your right hand, and lead me to your ways everlasting, amen!
And so i have been going, eh, God! You are overwhelming me! And the more a gasp and whin, the more the responsibilities land on my lap. As of now, i have resigned my fate to His will. If He wants to let the responsibilities crush me, then its upon Him. If He allows me to be overwhelmed to the point of giving up, or not measuring up to the expectations then its about His name. It is His name that will be downtrodden. Otherwise i have anchored in Him and left it all to Him. After all He says in the Word that He will not bring our way anything that we will not be able to bear, but He will give us the grace to endure it all, and where necessary provide an escape route for us.
I bless you God for your have predestined me. You knew me even before i was formed in my mother's womb, and you have numbered the hairs of my head. A thousand years are like one day in your sight oh Lord! Who am i to hinder your moving. When you choose to bless you bless, and when you choose to punish again you do. You alone oh God are worthy. You reign in majesty and in righteousness. May your favour be with me as i serve you in these places you are planting me. And may it all be to the glory and honour of your name, and about you alone oh Lord! You are an awesome God Jehovah!
I surrender to your will. Help me keep your statutes dear Father, and walk in your righteousness. Hold me by your right hand, and lead me to your ways everlasting, amen!
June 28, 2010
The quiet still voice
While having a shower this morning, i just felt this urge to take on prayer and fasting. So i stepped back and wondered to myself, why? And the quiet voice said for yourself. I again asked, "what about myself?" And there was no response.
I took up the challenge, left for work in that mood. On reading my devotion, i saw this words in Colossians 4:2, about engaging ourselves in prayer, which really caught my eye,Titus 1 that talks about a people (Cretans) who were known for their malice, lies and all sorts of evil. These two scriptures really caught my thoughts. I slept on it for a while and indeed the whole day. And as it would be, the two scriptures unfolded slowly before my own sight.
That quiet still voice had been preparing me for a battle. I needed to be dressed in the armour of God to fight well. In real sense, the matter has been an ongoing battle with a few people who want to deny me what is rightfully mine. It actually started three years ago, and after several attemots, i gave up on the issue last year. when i thought i had burried it, it resurfaced just last week and it seemed like for once i was going to justily have it. Through the weekend and up till this morning, i knew this was a settled case, until i wrote that "defining" email as i had thought and the setback came hitting hard once again. The it dawned on me that this was a battle that was beyond me.
For a moment i was so upset with God. I even asked Him why He had directed me to pray only to have me disappointed early in the day. I was going to break that fast and forget about it. After all, i had no issues that needed serious intervention that would call for a fast, if this one had been dashed.
I started searching frantically for a person to share with. I wanted to tell someone about it and get it off my head. My head was on fire! I was going to burst in anger. I didn't want to work anymore. I felt like walking out and going for good.
I thought of who would have been the most appropriate to tell; i told a colleague, but it didn't seem to cool the anger. Then i thought again, and thought of my best friend.
I started looking for her online, she was not there. I thought of calling her, but again decided telephone wouldnt give time to a satisfactory discussion with the costs involved. I wondered how i would get her to come online, then i got an idea...i wrote her a mail. It simply said "where are you? I need to talk to you!" Then mentioned a few details about the story.
Not long after that, she came on. I saw the red light on meaning she had responded, and quickly went there to see her response. Then i saw her opening statement, "do you have some time?" i knew she wanted to talk about something else. I responded in the affirmative and we started off on a conversation completely away from the reason i had been looking for her. Some where along the way, she got to see my mail, and i saw her write "i just read your email, are these people mad!" And i immediately knew i wasn't over reacting. I had been robbed. I had been treated unfairly, i was being targeted negatively.
As i positioned the cursor to respond, i heard that still voice again say "i have been here all along and you didn't turn to me."
It saddened me imagining that God had been here waiting and i didn't share with Him. I hadnt noticed Him! That i depended more on my friend than on God... I felt like i would weep. Suddenly the anger turned to frailty, and my mind went wild wondering how to apologise. My friend was going on and on, and i realised i had passed on the anger to her. She was so upset about the whole issue! And slowly as we continued conversing, i heard in my mind, that seemed like it was her voice people of the world can take away your money, they can take your labour for granted, but they can never take your Christ away.
Oh, how great this made me feel!
And do you know this is what we have done almost every single day of our lives! Do you know Christ has been around us all day, and watched over us all night. He has ndured our endless tears and whining, waiting for us to turn to Him and say, "Lord, take over." Sadly, we have not. We have fought loosing battles, we have raised accusing fingers, we have walked in our strength, we have even put our trust in man, which Jeremiah 17: 5 says "cursed is the person who trusts humans, who makes flesh and blood his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord" (God's word Translation Bible).
I am reminded of a forward that once got to my mail box. It talked about God writing to one of His children (me or you, whoever). It depicted of how He sits besides us day long, then throughout the night, and again the next day, waiting for us to talk to Him but in vain. After waiting and waiting, He decided to write and bring out the issues of this particular one that he/she would have turned to Him but did not. How often do we fall in this same place? When God expects that we would turn out burdens and worries to Him and we do not? Even when He has offered us His yoke which He has called EASY/LIGHT!
I took up the challenge, left for work in that mood. On reading my devotion, i saw this words in Colossians 4:2, about engaging ourselves in prayer, which really caught my eye,Titus 1 that talks about a people (Cretans) who were known for their malice, lies and all sorts of evil. These two scriptures really caught my thoughts. I slept on it for a while and indeed the whole day. And as it would be, the two scriptures unfolded slowly before my own sight.
That quiet still voice had been preparing me for a battle. I needed to be dressed in the armour of God to fight well. In real sense, the matter has been an ongoing battle with a few people who want to deny me what is rightfully mine. It actually started three years ago, and after several attemots, i gave up on the issue last year. when i thought i had burried it, it resurfaced just last week and it seemed like for once i was going to justily have it. Through the weekend and up till this morning, i knew this was a settled case, until i wrote that "defining" email as i had thought and the setback came hitting hard once again. The it dawned on me that this was a battle that was beyond me.
For a moment i was so upset with God. I even asked Him why He had directed me to pray only to have me disappointed early in the day. I was going to break that fast and forget about it. After all, i had no issues that needed serious intervention that would call for a fast, if this one had been dashed.
I started searching frantically for a person to share with. I wanted to tell someone about it and get it off my head. My head was on fire! I was going to burst in anger. I didn't want to work anymore. I felt like walking out and going for good.
I thought of who would have been the most appropriate to tell; i told a colleague, but it didn't seem to cool the anger. Then i thought again, and thought of my best friend.
I started looking for her online, she was not there. I thought of calling her, but again decided telephone wouldnt give time to a satisfactory discussion with the costs involved. I wondered how i would get her to come online, then i got an idea...i wrote her a mail. It simply said "where are you? I need to talk to you!" Then mentioned a few details about the story.
Not long after that, she came on. I saw the red light on meaning she had responded, and quickly went there to see her response. Then i saw her opening statement, "do you have some time?" i knew she wanted to talk about something else. I responded in the affirmative and we started off on a conversation completely away from the reason i had been looking for her. Some where along the way, she got to see my mail, and i saw her write "i just read your email, are these people mad!" And i immediately knew i wasn't over reacting. I had been robbed. I had been treated unfairly, i was being targeted negatively.
As i positioned the cursor to respond, i heard that still voice again say "i have been here all along and you didn't turn to me."
It saddened me imagining that God had been here waiting and i didn't share with Him. I hadnt noticed Him! That i depended more on my friend than on God... I felt like i would weep. Suddenly the anger turned to frailty, and my mind went wild wondering how to apologise. My friend was going on and on, and i realised i had passed on the anger to her. She was so upset about the whole issue! And slowly as we continued conversing, i heard in my mind, that seemed like it was her voice people of the world can take away your money, they can take your labour for granted, but they can never take your Christ away.
Oh, how great this made me feel!
And do you know this is what we have done almost every single day of our lives! Do you know Christ has been around us all day, and watched over us all night. He has ndured our endless tears and whining, waiting for us to turn to Him and say, "Lord, take over." Sadly, we have not. We have fought loosing battles, we have raised accusing fingers, we have walked in our strength, we have even put our trust in man, which Jeremiah 17: 5 says "cursed is the person who trusts humans, who makes flesh and blood his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord" (God's word Translation Bible).
I am reminded of a forward that once got to my mail box. It talked about God writing to one of His children (me or you, whoever). It depicted of how He sits besides us day long, then throughout the night, and again the next day, waiting for us to talk to Him but in vain. After waiting and waiting, He decided to write and bring out the issues of this particular one that he/she would have turned to Him but did not. How often do we fall in this same place? When God expects that we would turn out burdens and worries to Him and we do not? Even when He has offered us His yoke which He has called EASY/LIGHT!
June 07, 2010
Immeasurably more...
Some mornings i wake up with a song. On other mornings, i wake up so tired maybe from just being lazy, or from a sleep of adventures with mind bogging dreams... Some other mornings i wake up from the thought that its a weekend and suddenly reality hits home that i still have a few more days to the actual weekend.
Today was one of those song mornings. I woke up with the song "How great is my God," and immediately after, the other "Let your will be done." As i sung these choruses, i thought to myself, would this be a message of sorts for me? Is it just a song? Is it an encouragement to my heart about some occurrence that would befall me in the course of the day? Or my mind had wandered from my body as always! I didn't regret it though. I was glad that i woke up with a beautiful song in my heart that testified of who the Lord is.
As i reported to work and a while later my boss walks to me and announces; "Marion, i bring you good tidings!" I immediately responded and said "Oh, good is a relative term. It will depend with how i perceive the news." Even before he went half way through the message, i was out of myself! It was good tidings indeed. An issue that had taken me weeks of praying, and another of waiting had turned out so positively, even beyond what i had wished it would. I didnt know whether to jump up and down in excitement, or to keep still on my chair since i was in the presence of "my boss."
When the Bible talks of the Lord doing immeasurably more than what we can think or even imagine, He means exactlythat in its entity. One time i heard some preacher, actually Joel Osteen say that while we in our human mind are only limited to what we can see and touch, God has our situations end to the beginning. When we look at situations and create giants out of them, to God that is already a DONE DEAL! He sits pretty on the throne waiting for us to seek His will, and nothing less or more.
A lot of times we even fail to recognise that He has a perfect plan for our lives. That He is the master planner and holds the whole world in His hand as the famous Sunday school song would go. And instead of seeking this will, we stampede around life, we create emergencies, ran helter skelter like headless chicken seeking solutions from all the wrong places.
In my case, i had even gone to the extend of asking Him for just a bit of the much i have been trusting Him for. I woke up one morning so discouraged about the situation and resolved to forget about it. Then as i chatted with an old longtime friend online, as a by the way to his questions of how office work was holding up, i mentioned the challenge and he casually responded that he would pray about it and i should keep him posted in case anything positive comes out of it. I am not sure what exactly i had expected when i mentioned it to him, but i remember thinking, "is that all you can do?"
an hour later, this same boss (the bearer of the good tidings) came to me asking who i had been talking to at the higher office about my situation. For a moment, I felt my skin leave me and wondered why that friend had decided to sell me out. Then the Chief went through again, a little slowly. I do not know whether he assumed i didn't understand his statement, but for some reason again he went through slowly, which then helped the message come out better. He was not accusing me of talking to a higher office, but he was actually informing me that the higher office had contacted him to say they can help my situation, but there were somethings that needed to be done and we would have to wait for a week or so for the response. So in actual sense, what he was telling me was that we do what is required there and then, and pass it on to await the response.
What i am not telling you is that after the week elapsed without a response from my senior, i purposed to write him a follow up mail first thing today (Monday) when i got to the office.
And indeed, the follow up bore wonderful fruit. I wished i had held onto my horses a little longer for him to communicate other than prompting it.
And some times that's what we do to God. When He wants us to hold on and wait a little while while He sorts the "best" for us, we simply want to settle for the "good." What a pity!
Realise that i had already told God that i would appreciate even just part of what i required for my venture. That i would appreciate that more than having to wait longer for a time for anything else. The "wait" answer was not anywhere near to what i expected, yet its one of the answers we often get apart from the "NO" that we never want to hear.
If only we would learn to wait on the Lord for His timing, which is ALWAYS the best. In His timing, He is able to do immeasurably beyond/much more than we can think or even imagine. He is going to do things that no ear has heard neither eye has seen yet! That which He talks about in Daniel when He says His ways are perfect, and righteous, and in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a great plan of a future for us!
Today was one of those song mornings. I woke up with the song "How great is my God," and immediately after, the other "Let your will be done." As i sung these choruses, i thought to myself, would this be a message of sorts for me? Is it just a song? Is it an encouragement to my heart about some occurrence that would befall me in the course of the day? Or my mind had wandered from my body as always! I didn't regret it though. I was glad that i woke up with a beautiful song in my heart that testified of who the Lord is.
As i reported to work and a while later my boss walks to me and announces; "Marion, i bring you good tidings!" I immediately responded and said "Oh, good is a relative term. It will depend with how i perceive the news." Even before he went half way through the message, i was out of myself! It was good tidings indeed. An issue that had taken me weeks of praying, and another of waiting had turned out so positively, even beyond what i had wished it would. I didnt know whether to jump up and down in excitement, or to keep still on my chair since i was in the presence of "my boss."
When the Bible talks of the Lord doing immeasurably more than what we can think or even imagine, He means exactlythat in its entity. One time i heard some preacher, actually Joel Osteen say that while we in our human mind are only limited to what we can see and touch, God has our situations end to the beginning. When we look at situations and create giants out of them, to God that is already a DONE DEAL! He sits pretty on the throne waiting for us to seek His will, and nothing less or more.
A lot of times we even fail to recognise that He has a perfect plan for our lives. That He is the master planner and holds the whole world in His hand as the famous Sunday school song would go. And instead of seeking this will, we stampede around life, we create emergencies, ran helter skelter like headless chicken seeking solutions from all the wrong places.
In my case, i had even gone to the extend of asking Him for just a bit of the much i have been trusting Him for. I woke up one morning so discouraged about the situation and resolved to forget about it. Then as i chatted with an old longtime friend online, as a by the way to his questions of how office work was holding up, i mentioned the challenge and he casually responded that he would pray about it and i should keep him posted in case anything positive comes out of it. I am not sure what exactly i had expected when i mentioned it to him, but i remember thinking, "is that all you can do?"
an hour later, this same boss (the bearer of the good tidings) came to me asking who i had been talking to at the higher office about my situation. For a moment, I felt my skin leave me and wondered why that friend had decided to sell me out. Then the Chief went through again, a little slowly. I do not know whether he assumed i didn't understand his statement, but for some reason again he went through slowly, which then helped the message come out better. He was not accusing me of talking to a higher office, but he was actually informing me that the higher office had contacted him to say they can help my situation, but there were somethings that needed to be done and we would have to wait for a week or so for the response. So in actual sense, what he was telling me was that we do what is required there and then, and pass it on to await the response.
What i am not telling you is that after the week elapsed without a response from my senior, i purposed to write him a follow up mail first thing today (Monday) when i got to the office.
And indeed, the follow up bore wonderful fruit. I wished i had held onto my horses a little longer for him to communicate other than prompting it.
And some times that's what we do to God. When He wants us to hold on and wait a little while while He sorts the "best" for us, we simply want to settle for the "good." What a pity!
Realise that i had already told God that i would appreciate even just part of what i required for my venture. That i would appreciate that more than having to wait longer for a time for anything else. The "wait" answer was not anywhere near to what i expected, yet its one of the answers we often get apart from the "NO" that we never want to hear.
If only we would learn to wait on the Lord for His timing, which is ALWAYS the best. In His timing, He is able to do immeasurably beyond/much more than we can think or even imagine. He is going to do things that no ear has heard neither eye has seen yet! That which He talks about in Daniel when He says His ways are perfect, and righteous, and in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a great plan of a future for us!
April 29, 2010
The Samburu adventure
Recently, i was out on a Mission to the Samburu. This is a tribe of semi-nomads of the far Rift Valley Province of Kenya. Places you go to and the residents do not even consider themselves Kenyans. They will send you with greetings to take to Kenya. I mean, its far.
on our way back, we had to leave at dawn so as to make it for Nairobi by evening. The bus we had booked picked us in time and we set off.
The driver kept stopping to pick up more passengers. Even when i thought we had had enough people on board and literally no room for more, still more came in. And i mean, there was no other way for them other than scooting into this bus. Transportation is scarce here men. If they missed this one, they would have to wait for...maybe a truck ferrying flock to the market to ride on.
It zoomed passed bushes on this crazy earth road, every other while jerking awake those of us who had carried forward our sleep to this time.
as we are cruising down, up, turn here and there, an emergency break, a slow into a murky muddy section of the road and on, we suddenly here the bus mowing to a stop. The driver tries to act smart by trying to force it on but no, it halts to a stop. Yes, we had run out of fuel! Deep in the middle of no where. People start to come off the bus, but where do they go?! we are warned to walk out silently if we must because we are in a park that has all sorts of wild animals lions included.
The bus conductor comes off with a jerrycan and is flowed by one other guy, walking to no where in search of fuel. in the meantime, the driver manages to start the engine again. How, i do not know. He then cruises past those who had come off and they have to run and catch up since the bus cannot stop for them to get on. It turns into a survival for fitness struggle. Soon all the men who were out are back on board.
As we start to celebrate, the bus suddenly pulls to a halt. What again? The driver warns no one should get off. After a little struggle, a pull here a push of this there, it picks up again. And the game continues on and on. We get to the conductor and his friend with their jerrycan, they dive on board and we keep going. After some few minutes it stalls again and completely refuses to restart this time round. People get off to the relieve themselves in the bush, those with packed breakfasts start taking and sharing and chatting while the conductor again leaves with his jerrycan. A few minutes later...walla! He is back with fuel. From where, siphoned from a transit truck. At this point, no one really inquires further for the means seem to justify the end.
We happily embark on the journey with a few of my friends evangelising the other passengers and indeed harvest souls.
soon we hit another setback. Two trucks that were going in the opposite direction are stuck in the middle of the road, the turn-boys have been trying to dig the tyres out of the mud that is covering them, and you can see it has been an all night job. The region is so wet and muddy that they all look like hippos. We are forced to come off our bus for it to wade off the road through the bush as we walk/run and catch up with it somewhere ahead.
Of course we are also wading through the mud on the side of the road, a passenger car comes zooming fast off the road so as not to get stuck in the already messed up temporary side road.
Suddenly i see mud flying from beneath the car and before i coordinate myself i am all soaked from hair to toe. Literally! Yet i couldn't change because my bag was on top of the bus, and i dared not even bother asking for it for who wants to engage in the offloading. The pile on the carrier...! In fact, that's when i got to know that my bag was sitting under a sack of charcoal. Need i say more?
What an adventure!
We quickly get back on and off we go. Soon we are on tarmac and driving is cruising like one riding a motor bike. Before long i slip into a siesta still soaked on mud and while my mind slowly drifts off my mud predicament, i hear a loud bang! In my subconsciousness i shout "save us Lord!" But the bus does not stop. So i turn to my seat-mate fully awake and ask, what was that? Was i dreaming? And in shock almost with a sh shh she responds, "i don't know." "I thought it was a tyre burst?" I continue. She turns away quietly and all goes silent in the bus. I look besides me, then back at the rest of the passengers and all seem lost but saying nothing, as the bus cruises down a bridge then up again.
A few minutes later it pulls off the road, and guess what! It was indeed a tyre burst. In fact two of the tyres are deflated and have to be repaired before being put back. As they embark on finding a solution, the kids on the mission team are now grumpy from hunger and cant hold it anymore. Someone spots a roadside canteen. On inquiry, we find its a tea place. We all flood it until the owner runs out of cups and has to borrow from the neighbourhood. The tea is finished, there are those who are yet to have enough...
All in all we leave at least revitalised from the little and of course recording the memory of all this.
At the next bus stop we sit for almost three hours waiting for a second ride to Nairobi because its Easter Monday, there is too much traffic and all vehicles have left. Finally, we get onto one and on our way encounter a terrible accident that has involved 5 vehicles, both public and private. We cant see any bodies but there is one of the vehicles in a 5 metre ditch on the side of the road, the other f
our visible vehicles are a complete wreck, and we end up stuck in a snarl up for close to an hour.
And all in all, the Lord still remained supreme.
What an adventure!
on our way back, we had to leave at dawn so as to make it for Nairobi by evening. The bus we had booked picked us in time and we set off.
The driver kept stopping to pick up more passengers. Even when i thought we had had enough people on board and literally no room for more, still more came in. And i mean, there was no other way for them other than scooting into this bus. Transportation is scarce here men. If they missed this one, they would have to wait for...maybe a truck ferrying flock to the market to ride on.
It zoomed passed bushes on this crazy earth road, every other while jerking awake those of us who had carried forward our sleep to this time.
as we are cruising down, up, turn here and there, an emergency break, a slow into a murky muddy section of the road and on, we suddenly here the bus mowing to a stop. The driver tries to act smart by trying to force it on but no, it halts to a stop. Yes, we had run out of fuel! Deep in the middle of no where. People start to come off the bus, but where do they go?! we are warned to walk out silently if we must because we are in a park that has all sorts of wild animals lions included.
The bus conductor comes off with a jerrycan and is flowed by one other guy, walking to no where in search of fuel. in the meantime, the driver manages to start the engine again. How, i do not know. He then cruises past those who had come off and they have to run and catch up since the bus cannot stop for them to get on. It turns into a survival for fitness struggle. Soon all the men who were out are back on board.
As we start to celebrate, the bus suddenly pulls to a halt. What again? The driver warns no one should get off. After a little struggle, a pull here a push of this there, it picks up again. And the game continues on and on. We get to the conductor and his friend with their jerrycan, they dive on board and we keep going. After some few minutes it stalls again and completely refuses to restart this time round. People get off to the relieve themselves in the bush, those with packed breakfasts start taking and sharing and chatting while the conductor again leaves with his jerrycan. A few minutes later...walla! He is back with fuel. From where, siphoned from a transit truck. At this point, no one really inquires further for the means seem to justify the end.
We happily embark on the journey with a few of my friends evangelising the other passengers and indeed harvest souls.
soon we hit another setback. Two trucks that were going in the opposite direction are stuck in the middle of the road, the turn-boys have been trying to dig the tyres out of the mud that is covering them, and you can see it has been an all night job. The region is so wet and muddy that they all look like hippos. We are forced to come off our bus for it to wade off the road through the bush as we walk/run and catch up with it somewhere ahead.
Of course we are also wading through the mud on the side of the road, a passenger car comes zooming fast off the road so as not to get stuck in the already messed up temporary side road.
Suddenly i see mud flying from beneath the car and before i coordinate myself i am all soaked from hair to toe. Literally! Yet i couldn't change because my bag was on top of the bus, and i dared not even bother asking for it for who wants to engage in the offloading. The pile on the carrier...! In fact, that's when i got to know that my bag was sitting under a sack of charcoal. Need i say more?
What an adventure!
We quickly get back on and off we go. Soon we are on tarmac and driving is cruising like one riding a motor bike. Before long i slip into a siesta still soaked on mud and while my mind slowly drifts off my mud predicament, i hear a loud bang! In my subconsciousness i shout "save us Lord!" But the bus does not stop. So i turn to my seat-mate fully awake and ask, what was that? Was i dreaming? And in shock almost with a sh shh she responds, "i don't know." "I thought it was a tyre burst?" I continue. She turns away quietly and all goes silent in the bus. I look besides me, then back at the rest of the passengers and all seem lost but saying nothing, as the bus cruises down a bridge then up again.
A few minutes later it pulls off the road, and guess what! It was indeed a tyre burst. In fact two of the tyres are deflated and have to be repaired before being put back. As they embark on finding a solution, the kids on the mission team are now grumpy from hunger and cant hold it anymore. Someone spots a roadside canteen. On inquiry, we find its a tea place. We all flood it until the owner runs out of cups and has to borrow from the neighbourhood. The tea is finished, there are those who are yet to have enough...
All in all we leave at least revitalised from the little and of course recording the memory of all this.
At the next bus stop we sit for almost three hours waiting for a second ride to Nairobi because its Easter Monday, there is too much traffic and all vehicles have left. Finally, we get onto one and on our way encounter a terrible accident that has involved 5 vehicles, both public and private. We cant see any bodies but there is one of the vehicles in a 5 metre ditch on the side of the road, the other f
our visible vehicles are a complete wreck, and we end up stuck in a snarl up for close to an hour.And all in all, the Lord still remained supreme.
What an adventure!
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